One of the problems for me with the Protection from Abuse order was that it effectively gave Rita sole custody of the children because there was no custody order in place at the time. When I got the order, my attorney was on vacation and out of touch, and she wouldn’t return for two or three weeks. I was distraught about not being allowed to see the children and not knowing when a custody agreement might be in place. I also didn’t want the kids to think I had abandoned them and desperately wanted to see them but was legally not allowed to because to do so would mean contacting Rita.
The stress of this entire situation just overwhelmed me. The court was treating me like someone that abused his family. My tendency towards depression and anxiety took over, and I could barely function. So the day after the police delivered the PFA order, I decided to check myself into the psychiatric ward of Mount Nittany Medical Center (MNMC). While there, the police served me with the temporary PFA order, and the doctors decided to take me off the Zoloft I’d taken for over ten years and put me on Effexor. Effexor turned things around fast and, in hindsight, too fast.
During this time in the hospital, manic on Effexor, I wrote “PFA Payback,” which I transcribed below. Images in the gallery were taken from police photographs. This document contained stream-of-thought ramblings about things I needed to do to decouple my life from Rita’s. I titled it “PFA Payback” because it sounded good, and I knew what I was planning to do would piss off Rita. It was “payback” in the sense that Rita had almost nothing without me, a situation of her own making as she refused to go to school during the eight years after she graduated from high school and before Caleb was born. In the 10-pages of double-spaced hand-written notes, I talk about getting a new checking account, canceling credit cards in both our names, getting the utility bills out of my name, etc. Later the police “found” this document at my office while seizing my electronic equipment and looking for evidence of “cyberstalking.” I am sure this was not “in plain sight,” as I would not have wanted people coming into my office to see it. The district attorney over two years later would describe it as a “100-page manifesto” of all the terrible things I was planning to do to Rita.
My “100-page manifesto”
- Cut-off text messaging plan on her phone
- Reduce data plan
- See if I can disallow all texting
- Might backfire because I might be forced to pay for these plans but then again I am anyway
- If she gets them reinstated and I am ordered to pay she will then be responsible for the bill. Given her history of being able to handle bills this will be a huge stress on her.
- Shut off cable
- Again she could get it reinstated under her name but then paying the bill would be her responsibility even though it might be my money she pays it with.
- I could certainly argue that she does not need extended basic cable and could make due with a cheaper, more limited offering.
- The same could be done with internet.
- Again I may be forced to pay for her internet but she would have to have it in her name and be responsible for paying it.
- I could also argue that she could go with a cheaper option (does anyone still provide dial-up). Plus, Rita does not even have internet. Can Rita even say she needs it? My guess is not since I can provide it to the kids.
- The joint credit cards have to go. I’d hate to see the Discover card go because I’ve had that account since 1991. I wonder if I opened that account with her or by myself. I’m thinking it might have been by myself since my parents were big-time advocates of Discover cards. I’m guessing though that we opened that particular account together. Thus I have a few options. I could KILL the account and hope it doesn’t have too much of an effect on my credit score. The effect on her credit score will be much more detrimental because her credit score is already terrible for not paying on the credit cards she has. Another option is to report the card lost. In fact, I have no idea where my card is. I would first change the address for the bill and have the new cards sent to the new address. This would prevent her from getting a new card and force her to open a separate account. I might also be able to just get her name off the account but that might not be the best way because they might not let me just remove her if we opened the account together.
- This would leave her in a huge financial bind.
- Electricity: I could probably have the electricity turned off because that is also in my name. Not sure I’d really want to do that because it would have a detrimental effect on the kids. However they could always come to my place to get hot water, showers, hot meals, etc. I’m not sure how long it would take her to get the power turned back on but probably not too long. It would probably not have a huge negative impact on the kids. They could always stay with me for the time it takes her to get the electricity turned back on.
- The water/sewer is another thing that needs shut off. Again, the water is something that would hurt the kids but they could live with me during this time. She could claim I’m not providing adequate care for the kids but my apartment really has everything they need. Sure it’s small but a lot of families live in small apartments. Plus, because I cannot speak to her I have no way of informing her I have plans to do these things.
- I need to get my finances decoupled from hers ASAP because I don’t want to be supporting her in any way that I don’t need to be.
- I should also do some research on the consequences of foreclosing on the house. I think it would make it very difficult for her (and I) to get financing for another house for at least seven years. Ultimately we would each have to rent places and that could put financial hardship on both of us. But I’d be able to come out of it much stronger than her. I have to remember that I’m playing from a position of financial power here. My earning potential is so much greater that (sic) hers that I could probably by a house once the foreclosure is off the books.
- I also need to get my name off the car loan. I don’t use the car and have no need for it. I can probably call PSECU and get my name off all loan (sic). Although it is joint debt. Because of this I can probably not get my name off the loan. However, because the loan is paid from the joint account I can just not put money in that account and make her pay that loan from her income. If she lets the car get repossessed then that goes on my credit score too, but I’m not too worried about that. I can built my credit back up a lot easier than she can. But I really doubt she’d let the car get repossessed. She’d borrow money from her family before letting that happen. In fact she might just borrow the entire amount to pay the entire van off. If that were the case I’d be out form under the debt and she’d be in unofficial debt to her family. But I wouldn’t be on that note. And it wouldn’t show as official debt to the courts. This might actually work with the mortgage and shoe store debt. If I quit paying the mortgage and HELOC payments she’d be in trouble of losing the house. Again if she let the banks foreclose on the house that would look bad on my credit rating too. However, I have the earning power to repair my credit score much faster than she does.