A Cancer
Not long after Caleb’s health seemed to stabilize and just after my parents had bought a house in Bedford County, Pennsylvania, between my brother in D.C. and me, but before they’d moved, my mother was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma, i.e., cancer in the immune (lymph) system. The thing with lymphoma is that there are various types and a variety of stages. Some are very slow-growing, extending life expectancy but also reducing the effects of chemotherapy. Some are fast-growing and respond well to chemotherapy. There are also types with growth rates in between. It was never quite clear (to me at least) what type my mother had.
The doctors treated it aggressively with chemotherapy, and for a while, it seemed to be working. However, as anyone who has closely followed someone with cancer knows, there are many ups and downs as one test result looks encouraging and the next looks discouraging. After a few years, it became clear that she was losing the battle. After roughly three years, she passed away on June 23, 2003. She had turned 58 the month before.
I recall my dad calling my ex-inlaw’s house a few miles from my parent’s house, where I stayed with Rita’s family. I knew the end was near, but you always hold out a bit of hope for a miracle. All I really remember about the telephone call was my dad saying, “Mom passed.” This was very early in the morning, and I recall hospice taking her as I arrived. Fortunately, I was able to spend some time with her after the kids’ school year ended. I had not seen her for a few months, and I recall being devastated by how frail and weak she had gotten since the last I had seen her. The other memory I have of the day she died is a spectacular 180° rainbow in the eastern sky.
Losing my mother was quite hard. She was the one from whom I got my overzealous passion, outspokenness, and a strong desire for fairness and honesty. Unfortunately, this combination of traits also tends to annoy people if not moderated properly. My mother, who dealt with this with herself and her family, was always the person who would help me. Whenever I was overly upset about something and wanted to act, I would talk to her and inevitably calm down. There have been many occasions since her passing when her calming wisdom would have been helpful. There have also been many occasions when her passion and outspokenness likely would have been helpful.