{"id":12,"date":"2020-09-21T16:16:57","date_gmt":"2020-09-21T16:16:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/192.168.0.253\/wordpress\/?page_id=12"},"modified":"2026-08-23T23:59:43","modified_gmt":"2026-08-23T23:59:43","slug":"chapter-1-background","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/?page_id=12","title":{"rendered":"Chapter AA:  Background"},"content":{"rendered":"<\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-2\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P4.mp3?_=2\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P4.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P4.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Stay by the Bay<\/h2>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Hills<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">\r\n<div id=\"attachment_792\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-792\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-792\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/up-marin-keeler_slant2-300x189.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"189\" srcset=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/up-marin-keeler_slant2-300x189.jpg 300w, https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/up-marin-keeler_slant2.jpg 614w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-792\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">If only the road were level.<\/p><\/div>\r\n<p>While I had visited Berkeley when deciding where to go for graduate school, I really didn&#8217;t appreciate how mountainous it is. Thus, when we moved to the Hill-Road house with a U-Haul towing an old VW Beetle, I looked at the map for the easiest way to get there. If you zoom out a few times on the map, you&#8217;ll see Marin Ave to the northwest. Marin Ave., being straight, seemed like a great route to get to Grizzly Peak avoiding the labyrinth of all the other roads. Being from southeastern Michigan, I never considered the elevation change; a road called Grizzly Peak should have clued me in. At the time, I didn&#8217;t know that Marin Ave. had been constructed as a trolley route and was a road no one really used because it went straight up the mountain, roughly 700 feet over about 0.8 miles, a 25% (30% maximum) grade. It is the steepest road in the SF Bay Area and legendary with hardcore cyclists. Going up is rough on a car&#8217;s clutch\/torque-converter and going down is rough on the brakes, so people rarely used it.<\/p>\r\n<div id=\"attachment_793\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-793\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-793\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/view-from-creston1-300x239.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"239\" srcset=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/view-from-creston1-300x239.jpg 300w, https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/view-from-creston1.jpg 614w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-793\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">View from the top of Marin Ave. over the San Francisco Bay<\/p><\/div>\r\n<p>We got maybe a fourth of the way up the road before it was clear we needed to rethink the route. Unfortunately, this was 1993, and we didn&#8217;t have a detailed map of the area. Thus, we turned off Marin, unhitched the car, and continued up separately. I don&#8217;t recall the details, but I suspect I drove the car because it had a manual transmission. There was a stop sign at every intersection, and starting from a stop on a 25% grade with a clutch is quite tricky. I either used some fancy footwork with one foot on both the brake and gas pedals or, more likely, used the emergency brake. <\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>The time I spent in the San Francisco Bay Area&#8211;in and around Berkeley&#8211;was probably some of the most enjoyable of my life. The first semester was stressful for a few reasons. First, I had never lived in an urban area, especially with a population density as high as it was. It took a long time to become accustomed to everything you wanted to do taking more time than you thought it would. Traffic was <em>always<\/em> a nightmare both on the expressways and the surface streets. Parking was always a problem; I had never had to circle a grocery store parking lot for 15 minutes to park. Lines everywhere were always extremely long. The DMV was a nightmare but lines in grocery stores usually extended down the aisles. At first, this was extremely frustrating, but there was nothing you could do about it. You had to simply learn to give yourself extra time and not stress too much about getting things done quickly.<\/p>\r\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: 0; float: left; margin: 10pt;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/embed?pb=!1m18!1m12!1m3!1d305.0387930650031!2d-122.25172803072934!3d37.887656134677684!2m3!1f0!2f39.28327254235046!3f0!3m2!1i1024!2i768!4f35!3m3!1m2!1s0x80857c11d49cb281%3A0x9da8ebec249221a1!2s37%20Hill%20Rd%2C%20Berkeley%2C%20CA%2094708!5e1!3m2!1sen!2sus!4v1616011007189!5m2!1sen!2sus\" width=\"400\" height=\"450\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\r\n<p>The other stress when we first moved to Berkeley was the living situation. My aunt had a friend whose mother, Alicemary, rented part of her house in the Berkeley Hills to students and was looking for a new tenant. The house wasn&#8217;t particularly nice, but it was on a million-dollar lot at the very top of the Berkeley Hills. Grizzly Peak ran along the crest of the mountain, and Hill Road rose above it. Our next-door neighbor (in the house to the southeast that looks more like a commercial building) was Donald Glazer, a Nobel Prize-winning physics professor. What isn&#8217;t particularly clear from the map is the topology. 37 Hill Road is at an elevation of almost 1200 feet, and the bus stop to the west is nearly 100 feet below. Walking up the hill from the bus stop was pretty good exercise.<\/p>\r\n<p>The deal was that we would take care of the property, house, and three dogs in exchange for not paying rent as Alicemary was too old to maintain the property. Taking care of the property was not an easy job. We were asked to rejuvenate and maintain the elaborate tiered garden that is now a grassy slope to the west of the house; it was completely overgrown with weeds and brush when we arrived. Not only were the plants all dead, but the wooden walkways that zigzagged down the hill and the watering system were falling apart. It really needed a professional gardener and landscaper to redo everything completely. We tried, but nothing we did seemed to be enough. We also learned that one of the dogs wasn&#8217;t house trained and would pee all over the house. This prompted the other dogs to do the same. I&#8217;d never house trained a dog, and Rita tried her best, but he&#8217;d been peeing in the house for so long that it was tough to change his behavior. I wonder if he ever got house trained.<\/p>\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-822 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-medium fg-round-medium fg-shadow-outline fg-shadow-inset-medium fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-822\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/37HillRoad.jpg\" data-caption-title=\"Street view of 37 Hill Road.\" data-attachment-id=\"810\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/03\/37HillRoad\/2030438569.jpg\" title=\"Street view of 37 Hill Road.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Street view of 37 Hill Road.<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/ViewFromBerkeleyHills.png\" data-caption-title=\"View from Hill Road looking over San Francisco Bay.\" data-attachment-id=\"812\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/03\/ViewFromBerkeleyHills\/670526869.png\" title=\"View from Hill Road looking over San Francisco Bay.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">View from Hill Road looking over San Francisco Bay.<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/dd71c86f8327be42497a67e392a2ccf9-scaled.jpg\" data-caption-title=\"View from Hill Road over San Francisco Bay.\" data-attachment-id=\"814\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/03\/dd71c86f8327be42497a67e392a2ccf9-scaled\/3863265504.jpg\" title=\"View from Hill Road over San Francisco Bay.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">View from Hill Road over San Francisco Bay.<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">3<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<p>Unfortunately, between the time we agreed to this deal and moved in, Alicemary&#8217;s health got much worse. When we first arrived, she was in a nursing home but came home soon after. Thus, taking care of Alicemary became part of our (i.e., mostly Rita&#8217;s) job. Obviously, Rita could not provide the needed medical care, so the family hired in-home nurses. Things from the house then started disappearing. It was very awkward because it seemed we were being blamed for this, either for actually taking the stuff or for not preventing it. I don&#8217;t remember the timing, but before the end of my first semester at UC-Berkeley, Alicemary passed away. I suspect this may have been in October or November. After that, Alicemary&#8217;s daughter essentially moved in. Her other daughter&#8217;s ex-husband then effectively moved in. Yes, it was an odd situation, and it was clear that Rita and I needed to find a new place. One good thing about living in the Berkeley Hills was that it allowed us to learn the area and make a much more informed decision about places to live. Thus, shortly thereafter, we moved to an apartment in a city just north of Berkeley, El Cerrito.<\/p>\r\n<p>Rita found a job at a Stride Rite store in a nearby shopping center. The apartment was very close to a BART (subway) stop, so I commuted to school that way most of the time. Fortunately, at this point, I had found an adviser and had a desk in a lab. Thus, I could basically treat school like work. I recall that we lived here for about two years before getting a spot in &#8220;family housing.&#8221;<\/p>\r\n<p>Northern California is a great place to live if you&#8217;re not trying to raise a family. Thus, as a student with no children, I was able to take full advantage of the area. Rita and I went on three whitewater rafting trips; two down the south fork of the American River and an overnight trip down the Klamath River. The Klamath River trip was great as we explored some beautiful areas near the river when we stopped to make camp. This trip was at the end of August 1997, as I recall hearing Princess Diana had died on the trip home. We went to wine country (Napa and Sonoma Valleys) a couple of times. We camped and explored the area around Big Sur on three or four occasions. We explored Monterrey, Carmel, and Santa Cruz. We went to Yosemite and camped near Mammoth Mountain, Mono Lake, and Lake Tahoe. We spent a few days during the winter near Donner Lake (near Lake Tahoe) in a cabin owned by my thesis adviser. I&#8217;d never seen so much snow; the cabin spent much of the winter nearly entirely buried.<\/p>\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-3\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P5.mp3?_=3\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P5.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P5.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Son<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-1866 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-1866\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/238.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1823\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/238.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_49b1.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1865\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_49b1.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_46e0.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1864\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_46e0.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_Caleb7_20_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1863\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_Caleb7_20_1024\/1671932287.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_13_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1862\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_13_1024\/1681382249.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_5_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1861\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_5_1024\/1536652194.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_7_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1859\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_7_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_4_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1858\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_4_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb10_29_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1857\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb10_29_1024\/2282732654.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb9_22_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1856\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb9_22_1024\/274717624.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb8_7_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1855\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb8_7_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb7_8_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1854\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb7_8_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb6_8_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1853\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb6_8_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_22_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1852\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_22_1024\/2145309358.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_11_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1851\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_11_1024\/95683395.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_34_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1850\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_34_1024\/2282590459.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_27_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1849\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_27_1024\/1406815675.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_28_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1848\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_28_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_5_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1847\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_5_1024\/1089243652.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item 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data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_30_1024\/3885508881.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_29_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1842\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_29_1024\/580040472.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div 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src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_0628\/1496541247.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IMG_0343.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1839\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_0343\/3611506476.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IMG_0014.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1838\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_0014\/3704583738.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/img075-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1837\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/img075-scaled\/4132073942.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM001965.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1836\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM001965\/2807266837.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000840_1.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1835\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000840_1\/1632407680.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000791.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1834\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000791\/3108321930.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000676.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1833\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000676\/1090423924.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000602.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1832\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000602\/3954948.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000256.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1831\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000256\/4248923727.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000074.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1830\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000074\/898508746.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/DSC01349.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1829\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/DSC01349\/2736820151.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1828\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda\/309978517.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda001.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1827\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda001\/669011729.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/caleb6_7.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1826\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/caleb6_7.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/200203192149938.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1825\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/200203192149938\/1897432703.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/200202082154890.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1824\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/200202082154890\/3385515807.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">42<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<p>While waiting for our possession to move from Berkeley to State College, we stayed at Rita\u2019s parent\u2019s house in Michigan. My parents were living very near at that time also. Rita was about 20 weeks pregnant then and had already had two miscarriages. One night she woke me and said she thought her water broke. We went to St. Joseph\u2019s Medical Center, and they told us that she would deliver the baby within 72 hours. At a gestational age of 21-weeks, the baby would surely not survive. They suggested aborting the pregnancy. Rita told them she couldn&#8217;t do that as she could feel the baby moving. The biggest risk in waiting was apparently infection, so we decide to wait and see. They transferred her to the University of Michigan Medical Center, where she remained on bed rest for seven weeks.<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Abortions<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">\r\n<p>It seems like every few years the conservatives in this country get all fired up because liberals want to allow late-term abortions.\u00a0 What is usually lost in the rhetoric is that what liberals want is for doctors to not be charged with murder for performing late-term abortions that are, of course, deemed medically necessary.\u00a0 I have to say it was pretty shocking to hear the first doctor that saw Rita propose aborting the pregnancy.\u00a0 He certainly was pushing this on us, but I think he thought the risk, i.e., something serious happening to Rita that could possibly lead to her not being able to have children, was much greater than the highly unlikely reward, i.e. the baby being born at least four or five weeks after the amniotic sack broke.<\/p>\r\n<p>While I&#8217;m strongly pro-choice, I am also strongly not anti-life.\u00a0 Deciding whether or not to terminate the pregnancy never really seemed like an option to us as we naively didn&#8217;t see the harm in just waiting it out.\u00a0 I am still not quite sure what the harm in waiting was.\u00a0 I think the doctor just felt that there was no possible way the baby would be born at a gestational age at which it would survive.\u00a0 I have no idea how an abortion at 20 weeks into a pregnancy would be done.\u00a0 I suppose they would probably just induce labor.<\/p>\r\n<p>This story has another abortion-related twist in that the doctors actually decided to induce labor at 28 weeks.\u00a0 Obviously, they did force us to do this but their argument was that, with almost no amniotic fluid buffer, the baby&#8217;s lungs were not developing as they should and most babies born at this time have good outcomes.\u00a0 Rita and I actually thought about this a lot but we agreed that what the doctors said made a lot of sense, so we decided to have them &#8220;abort&#8221; the pregnancy.\u00a0 In every sense of the word, the doctors were performing an abortion because they were inducing the termination of a pregnancy.\u00a0 Of course, many women have labor induced or cesarian sections, and these could all be deemed late-term abortions.\u00a0 Of course, the doctors doing these procedures and the women having them done have no intention for the baby to die, but what if it does?<\/p>\r\n<p>Caleb <em>very<\/em> nearly did not make it, and it&#8217;s interesting to consider the ramifications had he not.\u00a0 Rita and I certainly would have second-guessed the decision to induce labor for the rest of our lives.\u00a0 Should the doctors have then been held responsible for Caleb&#8217;s death?\u00a0 While I can&#8217;t imagine Rita or I thinking this, the laws the conservatives want and the liberal fight against would have made the doctors legally culpable.\u00a0 If the doctors knew they might be legally liable if their best medical advice leads to death, would they not even consider doing what they thought was medically the best option?<\/p>\r\n<p>I think Pete Buttigieg, who I hope has a long career in politics, summed it up nicely while being questioned by Fox News&#8217; Chris Wallace who asked, &#8220;Do you believe, at any point in pregnancy, whether it&#8217;s at six weeks or eight weeks or 24 weeks or whenever, that there should be any limit on a woman&#8217;s right to have an abortion?&#8221;\u00a0 Buttigieg replied, &#8220;I think the dialogue has gotten so caught up on where you draw the line that we&#8217;ve gotten away from the fundamental question of who gets to draw the line, and I trust women to draw the line when it&#8217;s their own health.&#8221; When Wallace pushed him about advocating the third trimester abortions he has about the best reply I think I&#8217;ve ever heard, &#8220;That&#8217;s right, representing one percent of cases. So let&#8217;s put ourselves in the shoes of a woman in that situation. If it&#8217;s that late in your pregnancy, than almost by definition, you&#8217;ve been expecting to carry it to term. We&#8217;re talking about women who have perhaps chosen a name. Women who have purchased a crib, families that then get the most devastating medical news of their lifetime, something about the health or the life of the mother or viability of the pregnancy that forces them to make an impossible, unthinkable choice. And the bottom line is as horrible as that choice is, that woman, that family may seek spiritual guidance, they may seek medical guidance, but that decision is not going to be made any better, medically or morally, because the government is dictating how that decision should be made.&#8221;<\/p>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>Caleb was born on September 18, 1998, at a gestational age of 28 weeks but his lungs were severely underdeveloped from a lack of amniotic fluid in the uterus. He weighed 2.5 pounds and remained on a ventilator for nearly four weeks. While the nurses tried to prepare us for the NICU, I was completely unprepared for Caleb&#8217;s challenges. During his first day there, we watched his blood pressure drop to the single digits. The nurses started preparing us for him not to make it. Fortunately, the medication started to work, and his blood pressure slowly rose. While all the days of his nine-week stay in the NICU were not that rough, there were many more ups and downs. It was an emotional roller coaster ride, a big wake-up to the real world, and a rough welcome to becoming a father and professor. Needless to say, my first semester at PSU did not go well.<\/p>\r\n<p>I attempted to start teaching the class I was assigned while Rita was in the hospital. Fortunately, there was a direct flight from State College to Detroit, and I made the trip numerous times. One memorable flight was when employees of Northwest Airlines had just ended their strike; besides the pilots and flight attendants, I was the only person on the plane. After a few emergency trips to Ann Arbor, the department found someone to permanently teach my class which allowed me to spend all my time in Michigan.<\/p>\r\n<p>While Caleb coming home from the NICU was a huge step forward, it also was a very trying time for Rita and me. He was still in need of a great deal of medical attention and constant monitoring. We hooked him up to a breathing monitor at night, which constantly false alarmed. We took him repeatedly to Hershey Medical Center to determine if his retinopathy was improving or worsening. We tried everything possible to get him to gain weight. Nothing worked because I think his ultra-thin build has nothing to do with being premature. We got letters home every year from school alerting us that his BMI was in the 0.5th percentile. That\u2019s the problem with sick kids. You never know what is a problem and what is just individuality. This has been even more of an issue with Amanda.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-4\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P6.mp3?_=4\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P6.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P6.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Cancer<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Not long after Caleb\u2019s health seemed to stabilize and just after my parents had bought a house in Bedford County, Pennsylvania, between my brother in D.C. and me, but before they\u2019d moved, my mother was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma, i.e., cancer in the immune (lymph) system. The thing with lymphoma is that there are various types and a variety of stages. Some are very slow-growing, extending life expectancy but also reducing the effects of chemotherapy. Some are fast-growing and respond well to chemotherapy. There are also types with growth rates in between. It was never quite clear (to me at least) what type my mother had.<\/p>\r\n<p>The doctors treated it aggressively with chemotherapy, and for a while, it seemed to be working. However, as anyone who has closely followed someone with cancer knows, there are many ups and downs as one test result looks encouraging and the next looks discouraging. After a few years, it became clear that she was losing the battle. After roughly three years, she passed away on June 23, 2003. She had turned 58 the month before.<\/p>\r\n<p>I recall my dad calling my ex-inlaw&#8217;s house a few miles from my parent\u2019s house, where I stayed with Rita\u2019s family. I knew the end was near, but you always hold out a bit of hope for a miracle. All I really remember about the telephone call was my dad saying, \u201cMom passed.\u201d This was very early in the morning, and I recall hospice taking her as I arrived. Fortunately, I was able to spend some time with her after the kids\u2019 school year ended. I had not seen her for a few months, and I recall being devastated by how frail and weak she had gotten since the last I had seen her. The other memory I have of the day she died is a spectacular 180\u00b0 rainbow in the eastern sky.<\/p>\r\n<p>Losing my mother was quite hard. She was the one from whom I got my overzealous passion, outspokenness, and a strong desire for fairness and honesty. Unfortunately, this combination of traits also tends to annoy people if not moderated properly. My mother, who dealt with this with herself and her family, was always the person who would help me. Whenever I was overly upset about something and wanted to act, I would talk to her and inevitably calm down. There have been <em>many<\/em> occasions since her passing when her calming wisdom would have been helpful. There have also been <em>many<\/em> occasions when her passion and outspokenness likely would have been helpful.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-5\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P7.mp3?_=5\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P7.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P7.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Panicked Feeling<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>I can vividly remember the day that my anxiety turned into full-blown panic. While I spoke earlier about my anxiety about the safety of people close to me, I was always extremely nervous in other situations. For example, before baseball games throughout my teenage years, I was usually so nervous that I could hardly interact with people. While I don\u2019t recall being nervous before exams in high school, I was usually extremely nervous before exams in college. I remember my friends joking that the last person who should be nervous about an exam was me. After getting a B+ in freshmen English during my first semester, I never got anything less than a straight-A during the rest of my college career, but I never learned to relax before an exam. In fact, sometimes, I felt like I was the most nervous person in the room when I was <i>giving<\/i><b><i> <\/i><\/b>an exam. I was constantly worried about the exam being too long, too difficult, too easy, sufficient in covering important concepts, etc.<\/p>\r\n<p>I had spent the summer of 2001 living in Hampton, Virginia, and working at NASA Langley Research Center. Rita was pregnant with Amanda during this time. This was a great experience, and I came back to State College for the academic year with a lot of enthusiasm. I taught two classes that I\u2019d taught before but had decided to revamp one of them completely. Thus, I started making new notes from scratch. In early October 2001, I was sitting in an area of my office away from my computer where I would write and develop notes for class. Early in the semester, I had gotten ahead preparing notes, but my buffer at that point was basically empty, and I was making notes the day before or the day of a lecture. This wasn\u2019t really a serious problem, but I really needed to be focused on other things (i.e., research) as an assistant (untenured) professor. Plus, Rita was pregnant, and I was feeling constantly drained. I would later discover I had severe sleep apnea.<\/p>\r\n<p>While sitting at this side desk in my office, I just felt this sense of being completely overwhelmed and thinking that I was never going to maintain what I was doing for the rest of the semester, especially with a newborn at home. I started sweating and trembling (which I now call \u201cthe jitters\u201d), and I could not focus on anything. My mind was racing in all different directions, and I couldn\u2019t relax. In previous stressful situations, I could always calm myself, for example, once the game or exam started. However, this time I just could not calm down. I was supposed to be teaching a class that afternoon, and I was panicked that I would not be able to. I have since learned how depression and anxiety can lead to more depression and anxiety, and you can wind up in a terrible downward spiral.<\/p>\r\n<p>I wound up trying to teach my graduate-level class that afternoon, but the students could tell I was struggling with something, and I recall finally telling them I needed to take a few minutes. At that point, a couple of students told me it was fine to cancel the class, and I remember two of them walking back with me to my office as I trembled. I called Rita, and she came to pick me up. I felt terrible about ending class early, but there was no way I was going to be able to continue. My brain just could not focus.<\/p>\r\n<p>The problem was, this made me even more anxious about the much larger, and surely less understanding, undergraduate-level class the next day. I wondered if the same thing would happen. I got myself calmed down by the evening and was able to sleep, albeit with undiagnosed sleep apnea episodes occurring about once a minute. Stress has always made me sleepy. However, I woke up even more panicked than I was the previous day. There was no way I would be able to go to work, nonetheless give a lecture. I called in sick. This made me feel terrible and even more determined not to miss any more lectures. Unfortunately, this just ramped up the anxiety, and the downward spiral continued.<\/p>\r\n<p>During this period, my typical day was as follows. I would wake up in an utter panic with my mind racing. I couldn\u2019t focus on anything, which resulted in me not making even simple decisions. I would stand in the walk-in closet, not being able to decide what to wear, even though I knew it really didn\u2019t matter. You don\u2019t realize how many simple decisions you make every day until each one of them becomes a huge one in your mind.<\/p>\r\n<p>The mornings were definitely the toughest, but I could usually settle down by the late afternoon. But the cycle would repeat every day, and it became clear that I would not be able to teach classes that semester. My department head found someone to cover for me permanently after Amanda was born and rushed to the NICU.<\/p>\r\n<p>At some point after Amanda\u2019s birth, I realized that I was not going to be able to overcome these panic attacks on my own and started looking for a psychiatrist that could help. I can\u2019t remember who I initially saw, but he prescribed me Zoloft. The problem with anti-depressants is that they take a long time to start working, and in fact, you never really know if they\u2019re doing anything or not. It\u2019s not like you&#8217;ll notice anything different if you don\u2019t take them for a day or two. Likewise, if you start to feel depressed, taking one won\u2019t make you immediately feel any better.<\/p>\r\n<p>Eventually, I was able to pull myself out of the downward spiral of despair and get back to functioning normally. Going through a case of clinical depression and anxiety was very eye-opening for me. While people understood this far more in 2001 than in, say, 1980, there was still a stigma about it, and I think there still is. Before going through it myself, I was one of those people that would think, \u201cYou\u2019re depressed? Just do something fun to make yourself feel better.\u201d Unfortunately, it simply does not work that way. First, everything you used to enjoy does not seem enjoyable anymore. My psychiatrist once told me that when you\u2019re depressed, you cannot understand how you could not be, and when you\u2019re not depressed, you cannot understand how you could be. This is <i>very<\/i> true. You simply cannot make yourself feel better.<\/p>\r\n<p>I truly believe that until you\u2019ve gone through it yourself, you do not completely understand, just like men cannot completely understand what it\u2019s like to be a woman and vice versa. People can be sympathetic and possibly even empathetic because they\u2019ve likely had events in their life that were depressing. I&#8217;ve obviously been through this kind of depression, but clinical depression is very different; there really isn\u2019t anything that causes it. It would be great if you could pinpoint one thing in your life that you could change to make it go away, but you can\u2019t. In fact, I have realized that my issues usually happen <i>after<\/i> a stressful event has passed. For example, if there is a deadline, I can focus on meeting that deadline. After the deadline passed, I would feel overwhelmed with all \u201cthe other\u201d things I needed to do. Without something on which to focus, my brain would start to race, and every small thing I needed to do felt like something huge.<\/p>\r\n<p>The best way to make people who have never experienced this understand is to ask them if they could make themselves fall asleep whenever they wanted. They would obviously know they could not. I would then tell them it was like telling someone that was clinically depressed just to feel better. You can\u2019t do it. There\u2019s some chemical imbalance in your brain that simply does not allow it. This is just like how some chemical builds in your brain while awake, allowing you to fall asleep. As an engineer, I would joke that you were simply not able to control the controller in your head. It\u2019s just like trying to unsee something. You just cannot do it, and the more you try, the harder it is. I joke with people now that I should have just told people I had debilitating migraines. While not everyone has had a migraine, almost everyone has had a headache. Thus, they can understand how migraines could make doing anything complicated and empathize with a person dealing with them.<\/p>\r\n<p>The Zoloft did not really cause any side effects for me besides occasional night sweats which have not happened in years at this point. However, once I started feeling better, I started wondering what it was actually doing for me. As someone hesitant to take medications in general, I decided to stop taking Zoloft. This was, unfortunately, a huge mistake. While I was fine for a while, when autumn came around, I started having problems again. As with many people, I have learned the fall is generally not a good time for me. I wound up in a downward spiral again and had to take a leave from work. Not long after this, three of my nephews died in a house fire. I will discuss this later.<\/p>\r\n<p>I had stopped seeing the psychiatrist, and I wasn\u2019t sure how to get my prescription restarted. For some reason, I thought that my regular doctor would not be willing to prescribe anti-depressants; now that\u2019s who writes the prescriptions. Rita tried to get an appointment with a psychiatrist as there was no way I was able to deal with it. Unfortunately, no one had any openings. She finally found someone and took me to see him. His office was basically an empty room with a desk. He suggested I take Remeron. I\u2019m not sure why besides him having some samples in his desk. He gave them to Rita, who noticed they were actually expired. He then rummaged around and found some that were not. It was not a good experience, and I think this was the only time I saw him.<\/p>\r\n<p>He also gave me a prescription for Remeron, and I tried taking it for a couple of weeks. The problem was that it just made me sleep all the time. And when I was awake, I was very groggy and out of it. Maybe if I\u2019d given it longer the side effects would have subsided, but I decided I really needed to see another psychiatrist.<\/p>\r\n<p>Rita learned that the best way to get seen immediately was to go to the hospital and check in to the psychiatric ward. Rita\u2019s father was bipolar and had been having many problems after he retired and had spent some time in one. Thus, we decided to go to Mount Nittany Medical Center and see if they had beds available. Fortunately, they did, and I was admitted. This was the first time I had ever been admitted to a hospital. It was not a pleasant experience, although a lot of that had to do with the depression. However, I was able to see a psychiatrist who simply said, \u201cWell, it seems as Zoloft worked before; let\u2019s get you back on that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p>I\u2019m not sure how long I stayed in the hospital, but I suspect it was about a week. I learned a lot about mental illnesses and how I could better deal with mine. One thing I realized is that it is different for each person. There were obviously many other mentally ill patients in the hospital, and I realized that I had it very well compared to most of their lives. After I was released, I was able to start developing some coping strategies that worked for me. Unfortunately, the death of my nephews made it all seem pointless.<\/p>\r\n<p>I have not really had a big problem with depression or anxiety in a long time. There were some episodes at the beginning of the divorce and my initial dealings with the legal system, and I will discuss those later. I have learned that there will be some bad days, but I just have to accept them and not get worried that it\u2019s the start of something bigger. I justify these bad days by simply telling myself I\u2019m sick. I rarely ever get physically sick so being mentally sick for a couple of days isn\u2019t a big deal. This strategy has worked well.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-6\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P8.mp3?_=6\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P8.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P8.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Daughter (and Another)<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Before I talk about the house fire, I will discuss Amanda\u2019s birth and subsequent medical complications.<\/p>\r\n<p>Amanda was born full-term on October 30, 2001, but the doctors immediately notice some abnormalities. They monitored her closely and realized she was not able to dispel material in her bowels. They believed she had Hirschsprung\u2019s disease, which is when nerve endings are missing from the colon. Amanda was rushed to Hershey Medical Center, where she was to have a \u201cpull-through\u201d surgery in which they remove the portion of the colon that does not have nerve endings. When they started this procedure, they realized her appendix had ruptured at some point. Thus, instead of doing the pull-through procedure, they removed her appendix and gave her a colostomy. They also discovered the extent of her birth defects, including the lack of a bladder and a uterus. She spent four weeks in the NICU.<\/p>\r\n<p>We were much more prepared for the NICU experience this time, but it was entirely different. There are basically two situations that cause a baby to be in a NICU. The first, as with Caleb, is being born prematurely. The second, as with Amanda, is having birth defects. As there are no private rooms (or any rooms) in a NICU, we had also learned a lot about the issues of birth defects while Caleb was in the hospital. That experience left me amazed at how many different things can go wrong in a developing fetus that will allow it to survive <em>in utero<\/em> but not after birth. Fetal development truly is amazing. During this time, I made regular drives between Hershey and State College and stayed quite a few nights in the nearby Ronald McDonald house. These are amazing, and if you want to consider giving to a charity, I would recommend this one. Fortunately, Rita&#8217;s parents were retired by this point and could stay with Caleb in State College. My parents also regularly came from Michigan, but my dad had not yet retired, and my mother was dealing with cancer.<\/p>\r\n<p>On August 13, 2002, Amanda had her third surgery. Because she did not have a bladder, urine continually flowed from her kidneys through a urogenital sinus and out. The surgeons were worried about infection, so they gave her a vesicostomy, which was a surgically created connection between the urogenital sinus and the skin in Amanda&#8217;s case. Because she was only nine months old at this point, the urine was not collected in a bag but by her diaper.<\/p>\r\n<p>Surgery #4 was on October 18, 2002. Because Amanda had a colostomy, there was no rush to perform the Hirchsprung\u2019s pull-through procedure. Thus, the surgeons waited until she was almost a year old to perform this operation. The operation appeared to be successful, but we later learned that she has other bowel control issues that may or may not be related to Hirschsprung&#8217;s disease. The colostomy was left in place so the colon could heal. We had to dilate her anus each day for about a month. Rita couldn&#8217;t bring herself to do this, so I had to. It was not pleasant.<\/p>\r\n<p>Once Amanda\u2019s colon had healed sufficiently, on February 7, 2003, the surgeons removed her colostomy in the hope that she could have normal bowel movements. Unfortunately, while feces now moves through the colon and out, Amanda did not have complete control of when this happened.<\/p>\r\n<p>After months of trying to diagnose what was causing Amanda so much abdominal pain, an ultrasound technician happened to scan a little higher in her abdomen than intended and realized Amanda had gallstones. Because no one suspected a five-year-old child would have gallstones, the doctors never thought to look. She then had her gallbladder removed on August 21, 2007. I was later accused of saying she was lying about her pain. In fact, Rita and I couldn&#8217;t figure out what was going on. Ultrasounds showed nothing, so we thought maybe it was stress-related or she was nervous about going&#8211;or not wanting to go&#8211;back to school.<\/p>\r\n<p>At some point, the doctors also realized that Amanda had a tethered spinal cord. This happens when the very end of the spinal cord, which is essentially just the sheath that encases the nerves, gets entangled in the vertebrae. This is a problem because the spine grows faster than the spinal cord. Thus, if both ends are attached to something, i.e., the top to the brain and the bottom to the vertebrae, the spinal cord will get stretched as a child grows. This can then lead to neuro-muscular problems, especially in the lower extremities. This condition often resolves itself naturally so the plan was to monitor it and hope for that. After a few years, the neurologist decided that it was not going to fix itself naturally and the spinal cord was getting stretched to a point at which problems could develop. Thus, Amanda had surgery to untether her spinal cord. This sounds like a much more complicated and dangerous procedure than it really is. After shaving away a bit of the vertebra to access the entangled cord, the surgeon simply cuts the cord to release it. As there are no nerves in the spinal cord at this location, doing this does not do any neurological damage. The surgery was deemed a success, although as Amanda got older she started to have weakness in one of her legs. I don&#8217;t think it&#8217;s clear that the tethered spinal cord caused this but it seems like the natural culprit.<\/p>\r\n<p>Because Amanda was born with essentially no bladder, on June 3, 2008, the pediatric urologist at Hershey Medical Center constructed one from bowel tissue. He put a port in Amanda&#8217;s abdomen in which someone can insert a catheter to empty the bladder; we had to do this every three hours. Thus, we would have to wake her up twice a night to empty her bladder. The plan was to slowly stretch this time out because being woken up every three hours was not good for anyone. The idea was to let the pressure in the bladder stretch the bowel tissue because it is not as compliant as normal bladder tissue. However, after a few traumatic episodes later in 2008, Amanda refused to go more than three hours at night. Although we did try to stretch it out so that she would only be awoken once per night.<\/p>\r\n<p>These episodes started not long after Amanda recovered from surgery when we realized there was a problem with the channel connecting the port in her abdomen to the bladder. The surgeon had tried to make a valving mechanism so that when the bladder got full and expanded, the channel was pinched closed so urine did not leak out. The idea was that the catheter would push through this valve to release the pressure and drain the bladder. Unfortunately, on a few occasions and always at night when Amanda was sleeping, we would wake her and not be able to get the catheter in. Each time this resulted in a traumatic trip to the emergency room, and Amanda experienced a great deal of pain as her bladder distended. While the procedure to empty her bladder in this situation was simple\u2014inserting a needle through the abdominal wall\u2014the emergency room doctors always had to talk to the surgeons in Hershey to be certain of the procedure and where to insert the needle. Thus, on November 18, 2008, Amanda had another surgery in which they discovered the channel would get kinked when the bladder was overly full and repositioned things to prevent this. During this surgery time, the surgeons also created a port that allowed us to flush Amanda\u2019s bowels with an antegrade colonic enema or ACE.<\/p>\r\n<p>Amanda started having more trouble emptying her bladder at the end of 2012. It was the same issue as before; we could not get the catheter in, and we would have to take her to the emergency room. Again this always happened at night. I argued strongly that we should simply leave the catheter in at night since we were not following the bladder-stretching protocol. I ultimately sent the surgeon a long email about the issue and that I thought not leaving the catheter in at night was doing Amanda (and our family) much more harm than good. He agreed and said it was fine to leave the catheter in. Rita viewed this as an unacceptable compromise because it might make the value leak, and refused to do it. My thought was that if the valve did start leaking slightly, it was really no big deal. Amanda\u2019s classmates were not going to think she peed her pants if her shirt just under her ribs was slightly wet. Plus, we could always put gauze over the stoma to absorb anything that leaked. She\u2019d feel the dampness before it would soak through to her shirt.<\/p>\r\n<p>On June 19, 2014, the doctors performed the ninth surgery to again try to fix the valving mechanism, which had apparently changed as she grew.<\/p>\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-1541 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-1541\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:false,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/DSC00258-1.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1538\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/DSC00258-1\/142115192.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Amanda-1.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1494\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Amanda-1\/1642514692.jpg\" width=\"450\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000284.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1500\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000284\/3100890411.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000217.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1497\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000217\/1321856310.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000482.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1502\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000482\/3909142060.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000258.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1498\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000258\/425787394.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/DSC01322.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1496\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/DSC01322\/3877164672.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000259.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1499\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000259\/1965209311.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IM000789_1.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1535\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/thumb_IM000789_1\/2283526112.jpg\" width=\"334\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000848.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1505\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000848\/3994025591.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000862.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1506\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000862\/3586862847.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_4771.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1537\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_4771\/3294955265.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0253.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1520\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0253\/3682748345.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/iPhoneAmanda-rotated-e1622298485575.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1534\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/iPhoneAmanda-rotated-e1622298485575\/3008329666.jpg\" width=\"378\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_largepv_3a46.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1536\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_largepv_3a46\/2565156344.jpg\" width=\"203\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_2329-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1531\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_2329-scaled\/1693724006.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000911-e1622386714724.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1507\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000911-e1622386714724\/116915947.jpg\" width=\"278\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000913.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1508\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000913\/3780063297.jpg\" width=\"520\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0740-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1523\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0740-rotated\/203113197.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1791.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1529\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1791\/766247328.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1809-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1530\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1809-rotated\/3461080477.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1635-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1528\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1635-rotated\/1978674199.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3484-scaled.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1532\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3484-scaled\/2288922217.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1564.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1527\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1564\/3600313548.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0863-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1526\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0863-rotated\/1488259867.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0199.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1518\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0199\/3667600883.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0252.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1519\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0252\/1513380958.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0268.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1521\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0268\/529322345.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0011.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1511\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0011\/2327346003.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0800.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1524\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0800\/3868018195.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0016.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1512\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0016\/3124145870.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0025.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1514\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0025\/2040736992.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0147.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1516\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0147\/4284727230.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1515\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146\/3407712244.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0305.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1522\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0305\/572131976.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0018.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1513\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0018\/3812456325.jpeg\" width=\"540\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM001938.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1510\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM001938\/3140649746.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/09-30-05_1426.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1491\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/09-30-05_1426\/16697577.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/DSC00263.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1588\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/DSC00263\/1035761713.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">39<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<p>One of the most difficult things with Amanda when she was young is never really knowing if she was sick with some normal childhood illness, e.g., the flu, or if there was something more problematic going on. As a child, she could tell us what hurt but had no idea why or if it felt like something serious or not. She would also regularly get bladder infections even though she (mostly) used single-use catheters. As she got older, she, of course, learned more about anatomy and, in particular, her peculiar anatomy, and is much better at distinguishing and helping diagnose what might be going on.<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Insurance Companies 1<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">**Aside about medical expenses.<\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>I think a big part of the marital problems stems from Amanda\u2019s health issues. I <em>obviously<\/em> do not blame Amanda or anyone for these and hope she does not think I do, although, at one point during the divorce, it was mentioned that she thought I blamed her. I do not blame her <em>at all<\/em>, but I think we did not handle it well. The lack of sleep simply weighed on everyone over time. This was especially true for Rita (and Amanda) since Rita never trusted that I would wake up; I\u2019m a very sound sleeper. This led to some arguments between Rita and me because I felt if she was always going to get up even when it was my turn, why should I get up too? Rita would then get mad that I wasn\u2019t \u2018helping\u2019 her, but it wasn&#8217;t a two-person job, and there was no sense in both of us being sleep-deprived. Not surprisingly, Rita wound up being very grumpy all the time. I\u2019m sure Amanda likely overheard Rita and l debating how to handle things.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\"> I <\/span>just hope that she does not feel like she caused the marital problems. She couldn\u2019t help the situation, and Rita and I did not deal with it well.<\/p>\r\n<p>On April 22, 2008, Amelia was born&#8230; without having to be rushed to the NICU. Rita wanted to try one last time to have a &#8220;normal&#8221; pregnancy and birth. Fortunately, it worked out that way, and there really isn&#8217;t anything notable to say about her birth. I recall, however, when we first told Caleb and Amanda that Rita was pregnant with Amelia. We were thinking they would be really happy that they&#8217;d have a new brother or sister. However, as we told them and the news settled in, we could see the worry in their eyes, and they both started to cry. They then started asking us if we could take care of a third kid and telling us how hard it would be. They were worried that there wouldn&#8217;t be enough food. We were not at all prepared for this response, but we assured them things would be fine.<\/p>\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-1555 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-1555\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0382-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1617\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0382-scaled\/2584520421.jpeg\" width=\"640\" height=\"140\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0381-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1616\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0381-scaled\/371161183.jpeg\" width=\"640\" height=\"138\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0368-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1615\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0368-scaled\/4124144097.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"138\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369-1-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1614\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369-1-scaled\/1786486069.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"145\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1027-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1613\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1027-scaled\/367221363.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AQ2JkmbgjoOfsxLk261MPHkK_QND.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1612\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AQ2JkmbgjoOfsxLk261MPHkK_QND.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0956.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1611\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0956.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0975.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1610\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0975.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1144.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1609\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1144.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0297.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1608\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0297\/4074104039.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0502-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1607\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0502-scaled\/180504374.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_2711-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1606\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_2711-scaled\/1880571837.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3178-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1605\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3178-scaled\/3873047087.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3667-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1604\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3667-scaled\/2875444858.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0210.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1603\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0210\/2045186267.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0276.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1602\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0276\/3902201994.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0374-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1601\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0374-scaled\/1242145730.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0375-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1600\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0375-scaled\/372729079.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0829-rotated.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1599\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0829-rotated\/3633017690.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0897-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1598\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0897-scaled\/626922183.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1036.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1597\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1036\/2160249486.jpg\" width=\"430\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0047.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1595\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0047\/3656668755.jpeg\" width=\"332\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0372.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1594\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0372\/247674754.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0373-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1593\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0373-scaled\/517145201.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0388-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1592\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0388-scaled\/716640931.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0919.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1591\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0919\/2271711986.jpeg\" width=\"245\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1026-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1590\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1026-scaled\/2556221000.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-8-6-12-at-10.49-PM.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1589\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-8-6-12-at-10_49-PM\/1060870836.jpeg\" width=\"541\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1587\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0857.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1586\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0857\/2672589403.jpeg\" width=\"272\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1530.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1585\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1530\/1290627672.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3174-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1584\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3174-scaled\/4075298460.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-2010-08-02-at-17.30.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1583\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-2010-08-02-at-17_30\/958592742.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/TalkatoneMessage-2.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1582\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/TalkatoneMessage-2\/3474481650.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1217.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1581\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1217.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0383-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1580\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0383-scaled\/2515508213.jpeg\" width=\"640\" height=\"198\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0371-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1579\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0371-scaled\/130430742.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/7d0b5aad9e0d581b67f044fd2d0866ce95bc04c2.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1578\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/7d0b5aad9e0d581b67f044fd2d0866ce95bc04c2\/3966148446.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0370-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1577\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0370-scaled\/253766290.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0376-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1576\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0376-scaled\/4228242759.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1188-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1575\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1188-scaled\/2177528515.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0816-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1574\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0816-scaled\/1657921718.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0927-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1573\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0927-scaled\/2542179782.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0970-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1572\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0970-scaled\/990571383.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1038.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1571\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1038\/4179340251.jpg\" width=\"344\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1155-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1570\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1155-scaled\/3306904099.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_2352-scaled.jpg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1569\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_2352-scaled\/823425479.jpg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_4367-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1568\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_4367-scaled\/4109954076.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_4368-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1567\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_4368-scaled\/3232942794.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Messages-Image1197791408.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1566\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Messages-Image1197791408\/2032812528.jpeg\" width=\"249\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0195.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1565\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0195\/3878762544.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0272.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1564\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0272\/3943627479.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0391.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1563\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0391\/3961442166.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0620.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1562\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0620\/606809778.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1561.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1561\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1561\/1805641646.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1560\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146\/3473054763.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0623.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1559\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0623\/2098878703.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3753-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1558\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3753-scaled\/864742820.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AYwabNaRGb4uRNs6NMrDNxD8HkD.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1557\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AYwabNaRGb4uRNs6NMrDNxD8HkD.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1136.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1556\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1136.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">60<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-7\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P9.mp3?_=7\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P9.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P9.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Shoe Store<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>As I mentioned previously, Rita worked in a Stride Rite children\u2019s shoe store for a few years while I was a graduate student. She seemed to enjoy it for the most part and had learned a lot about the children\u2019s shoe business.<\/p>\r\n<p>Shortly after Amanda was born, we went to the local Stride Rite to get shoes for Caleb and saw they were closing. We inquired about this and were told the owners were getting divorced and selling the story to divide the assets. Since Rita had experience managing a children\u2019s shoe store, we discussed buying it. Looking at their tax returns for the prior three years, it was pretty clear the store was making money. We knew they were pretty desperate to sell, so we simply offered to purchase the inventory. They accepted, and we were owners of a children\u2019s shoe store.<\/p>\r\n<p>It was pretty clear in 2002 that the future of retail was online, but I thought parents would really want to have their children try shoes on before buying them. Plus, I had looked into e-commerce software and thought it wouldn\u2019t be too hard to develop an online presence that might combine the ease of online shopping with the benefits of making sure the shoes fit. By the time we closed the store, even Stride Rite, who had always emphasized how the people at their stores had been trained to make sure the shoes fit well, was selling online. However, I think the two things that really hurt the business were Zappos\u2019 free delivery\/returns and not competing on selection. I\u2019d heard from several colleagues that they would buy three or four pairs from Zappos and return those that didn\u2019t fit well. Obviously, the price of shipping was included in the price of the shoes, but the convenience outweighed the higher cost for most people.<\/p>\r\n<p>With the ability to store shoes in cheap warehouse space&#8211;not in a small retail store&#8211;and deep pockets to keep many shoes in stock, Zappos could simply offer people a much wider selection than we could. One of the difficulties in the shoe business, especially the children\u2019s shoe business, is maintaining inventory. When you multiply the number of styles by the number of sizes and then by two or three different widths, you get some huge numbers. Plus, you needed to place orders months in advance, and there is usually no way to replenish inventory once popular styles sell out. I think large chain stores had more clout with the manufacturers to refresh inventory, and they also had the ability to move shoes from store to store.<\/p>\r\n<p>A change we made at the outset was to no longer be an official Stride Rite franchise. There was no franchise fee, but Stride Rite required that 80% of your inventory had to be their shoes. Rita wanted to sell New Balance, Sketchers, Elefanten, and Nike shoes, and Robeez slippers. There was no way we would be able to maintain an 80% Stride Rite inventory. In hindsight, I\u2019m not sure how they would have really ever known since I don\u2019t recall a Stride Rite representative visiting the store. Although, maybe if we kept the Stride Rite name, they would have checked. We decided to call the store Small Feats Footwear.<\/p>\r\n<p>With all of the turmoil in our lives at that time, I think this was not a very smart decision in hindsight. I was still an assistant professor, and while Caleb was doing well, we knew Amanda had a lot ahead of her. The plan was to hire people to work there for a few years as things with Amanda stabilized. Unfortunately, it was hard to find reliable employees, although we did find a few. However, they were often students who moved on when they graduated. Plus, we could really only afford to have one person there at a time. This resulted in a lot of laziness because there was no other person to tell us their coworker was not doing anything.<\/p>\r\n<p>I also learned that running a small business is a lot of work. Advertising is something that I don\u2019t think we ever really understood well. It was expensive and hard to tell if it was working. We advertised on the radio and local television a bit but never really could quantify how or if it benefitted sales. We also sent out many mailers and participated in coupon packs you often get in the mail. The postcard advertisements we send were probably the most effective as they were targeted at prior customers. They were also relatively cheap. If we still operated the store, I\u2019m sure we would have replaced these with email, which would have been significantly cheaper without having the postcards printed and paying the postage to mail them.<\/p>\r\n<p>I developed a point-of-sale system that could also act as a website for online sales, which we never really deployed. I used an open-source e-commerce web application called osCommerce written in the scripting language PHP and used an open-source database to store information. One benefit of this was that it allowed me to learn to program in PHP and interface software with a database. I made many custom modifications to osCommerce to fit the needs of a shoe store and added inventory tracking and payroll\/accounting pieces to it.<\/p>\r\n<p>One of the problems I saw with the normal shoe store model of having samples on display and a back room full of inventory was that most of the time, kids left disappointed because they would see a style they really liked on the showroom floor. However, the particular size they needed was not in stock. When we moved locations, we decided to use a new strategy of having everything on display. I built about 20 large shelving units with sloped shelves at eye level for displaying shoes and cabinets above and below for storing the boxes. To try to prevent theft, we kept one shoe on display and the other in the box in the cabinets. With this arrangement, parents could simply have their kids\u2019 feet measured and take them to the section containing their size to pick from what we had. This seemed to work well.<\/p>\r\n<p>Unfortunately, the shoe store never made any money, and we wound up with a lot of debt from it. While the Robeez slippers always sold well, we simply could not compete with the inventory and convenience of Zappos. We tried buying and selling used children\u2019s clothes for a while, but that didn\u2019t seem to help things much. I learned a lot from that experience, but the lessons were costly.\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-8\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P10.mp3?_=8\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P10.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P10.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<h2>A Tragedy<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Just after midnight on November 16, 2002, we were awakened by a telephone call. We didn\u2019t make it to the phone in time to answer it and figured it was probably a wrong number or something. However, when the phone rang again, we knew it was something serious. It was Rita&#8217;s brother Mark, and when I heard Rita say, \u201cMark, please tell me it&#8217;s not true. Please, Mark. Tell me it\u2019s not true.\u201d I realized that something terrible had happened. I first assumed it was something about her mother or father, but after what seemed like forever for Rita to regain her composure, she finally said, \u201cthe boys are dead.&#8221; \u201cThe boys\u201d were my three nephews who were 13, 10, and 7 years old at the time and lived in Milan, the town in which I was raised.<\/p>\r\n<p>This is probably the worst experience I have ever been through. It occurred seven months before my mother passed away and a year after Amanda was born. Rita (especially) and I were very close with the oldest boy, who we took care of regularly when he was a baby.<\/p>\r\n<p>I am not completely sure of the details, but from what I understand, an electrical fire started in a small attic space next to where the boys had their bedroom. They think maybe when the house had a new roof installed, a nail might have shorted some wires. The fire apparently smoldered for several hours during the evening. When it finally burned through the bedroom wall near the top of the stairs, a great deal of heat had built up and now, given ample oxygen, almost immediately engulfed the stairwell and much of the bedroom. At this point, the fire alarms went off, but the upstairs bedroom was cut off from the downstairs where Rita&#8217;s sister and her husband were sleeping. They immediately called for help but were blocked from going up the stairs. They then went outside and tried with a ladder to get to the only window away from the heart of the fire. They could not reach the window because the ladder was too short. Once they found something to elevate the ladder further, the fire was simply too hot even to approach the window; it melted the vinyl siding on their neighbor\u2019s house.<\/p>\r\n<p>This was a tragedy that one would like to think was caused by negligence, so you can tell yourself it couldn\u2019t happen to you. However, it really seems like nothing could have been done. Everything that could have gone wrong did.<\/p>\r\n<p>I hope that the boys were overcome by the smoke and passed out because they were burned beyond recognition. Some volunteer firefighters were burned through their protective gear trying to get to the boys. One was the brother of a high school friend who apparently went through many months of therapy trying to deal with what he saw.<\/p>\r\n<p>My brother drove up from the Washington, D.C., area to help with things, and he wound up driving all of us to Michigan. On the way there, just as we were getting out of State College, I started having severe pains in my abdomen. At first, I thought maybe it was just from the stress. However, as the pain intensified, I asked Lee to pull into a gas station because I thought maybe it was severe gas pain. I could barely walk to the bathroom and realized I needed to be seen by a doctor. We were very close to the local hospital, so we took a detour there. I was admitted to the E.R. and informed that I had a kidney stone. I had never had one before, so I was not familiar with the pain. Fortunately, it passed quickly, the pain almost immediately went away, and it didn\u2019t delay our arrival in Michigan too long. I had another kidney stone a couple of years later but have not had one since. It could not have happened at a worse time.<\/p>\r\n<p>The aftermath of this is still an issue for me, and I assume for Rita. She regularly cried for a year, was then depressed for many more years, and was then upset that her memories of her nephews were fading.<\/p>\r\n<p>I\u2019m sure Amanda doesn\u2019t remember anything about this as she was just over a year old. However, Caleb was four at the time. I\u2019m not sure what he still remembers, but I suspect a lot. We talked to a counselor about how to help him deal with this as he was very close to his cousins. The counselor told us he was really too young to be concerned about his own death. However, he didn\u2019t seem to be doing well, so we had the counselor see him a few times. It turns out that he wasn\u2019t afraid of dying, but he was afraid that if he did die, it would make everyone very sad, and he didn\u2019t want that to happen again. I\u2019m not sure if this is the reason, but he has a tremendous amount of empathy now.<\/p>\r\n<p>It\u2019s hard to believe that David would now be **, Dustin **, and Anthony **. When you die, you stop aging; they are still children in the only memories I have of them. It was like my own children caught up to and passed their cousins as they aged.<\/p>\r\n<p>I also suspect that this incident really altered the course of my marriage as I suspect that Rita\u2019s sister and mother, who live very close to one another in Michigan, pushed very hard for Rita to move so our kids could somehow fill the void left by the death of my nephews.<\/p>\r\n<p>I wrote much of this many years ago, but it still makes me cry as I edit it now.<\/p>\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-9\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P11.mp3?_=9\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P11.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P11.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Stroke (and Another)<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>One evening in the fall of 2011, I was sitting at home on the couch while Rita took the kids to get takeout for dinner. Suddenly the room started spinning, and when I closed my eyes, I had a hard time keeping myself from tilting to the right. It was like &#8216;up&#8217; was in a different direction, and to keep from tipping over on the couch, I needed to lean to the right. It was very odd. At first, I thought something had happened in my inner ear as my equilibrium was way off. I tried to stand up, but there was no way I could keep my balance. I then crawled over to the end table to get my phone and called Rita, who I suspect immediately called 911.<\/p>\r\n<p>After I hung up the phone, I started to sweat more than I think I ever have. My hair and shirt were soaked in minutes. I also started to feel extremely nauseous and thought I was going to vomit. I think Rita arrived before the ambulance did. I really had no idea what was going on but was oddly not that worried about it. By the time the ambulance arrived, I felt a little better but still had to be wheeled out of the house into the ambulance. They took me to the E.R. at Mount Nittany Medical Center. By the time I arrived at the hospital, maybe 15 minutes later, I felt significantly better.<\/p>\r\n<p>At the hospital, they did a scan to see if blood flow was constricted anywhere. At the time, I don\u2019t even think I realized that they were checking to see if I had had a stroke. After the tests, they took me back to the E.R., and at that point, I was feeling pretty much normal. The doctor came in and said I\u2019d had a vertebral artery dissection (which sounded to me a lot worse than it is) and a mini-stroke. I was shocked. I really had no idea what I\u2019d experienced was as serious as a stroke.<\/p>\r\n<p>I was taken to Geisinger Medical Center, a much larger medical facility, by ambulance. I spent about three days there under close observation as they were afraid another clot could form. They had me on strong blood thinners to try to prevent this. For about a week after I was released, I had to give myself shots of blood thinner that caused huge bruises around the injection site. I then took Coumadin for many months and had to get the levels checked to adjust the dose frequently.<\/p>\r\n<p>An arterial dissection happens when the interior wall of the artery tears away, creating a flap of tissue. This will eventually heal, but a clot can form from the stagnant blood that gets trapped by the flap. When this clot breaks free, it can travel into the brain and eventually reach a blood vessel too small for it to pass. This cuts off blood flow to whatever region of the brain was supplied blood by this vessel.<\/p>\r\n<p>People have vertebral arteries on each side of their neck that run alongside the carotid arteries and provide blood to the brain. As you can see in the illustration, the vertebral arteries snake around the vertebrae and this tortuous path can cause wear on the artery. The illustration makes it pretty clear that at the location pointed to by the top arrow, contorting your neck can put a lot of strain on this artery. It turns out vertebral artery dissections are actually not that uncommon. They are sometimes caused inadvertently by chiropractors and people \u201ccracking\u201d their necks. Painters are at risk for this because they often look up for extended periods as they paint ceilings. People that have connective tissue issues are also at much higher risk.<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Health Insurance 2<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">An extremely frustrating and somewhat humorous interaction with my insurance resulted from this. The first time I was transported by ambulance to the larger hospital (about 90 miles away), my insurance paid for it. The second time they refused. I spent days on the phone with the hospital, the ambulance company, and my insurance to figure out why this was. I think the bill came to over $10,000, so I really did not want to have to pay for it. I went around and around with them, with the hospital telling me they\u2019d provided the same diagnosis code to the insurance in each case and referring me to the ambulance service. The ambulance service said the doctor must have deemed the trip not medically necessary. I kept telling the insurance company that it was the doctors in the E.R. that sent me by ambulance to Geisinger, so it was obviously medically necessary.<\/p>\r\n<p>In the end, I learned that there was a second code provided to the insurance by the ambulance company. Apparently, this diagnosis was provided by an EMT in the ambulance. I have no idea why the insurance company would rely on this, but they did. In the first ambulance trip, the EMT had \u201cdiagnosed\u201d me with a cerebral hemorrhage which I, fortunately, did not actually have. In the second case, the EMT \u201cdiagnosed\u201d me with a headache. Argh!! Ultimately, I convinced the insurance that there was no way an E.R. doctor would send me by ambulance to a hospital 90 miles away for a headache.<\/p>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>I did not belong to any of these categories and had not been to a chiropractor recently. However, sometimes they simply happen for no apparent reason. I asked the neurologist I saw after getting out of the hospital if I should or should not do anything to prevent this from happening again. He basically said to avoid having chiropractors do anything to my neck and not &#8220;crack&#8221; it, which I never did anyway. Other than that, he said it was probably just a fluke thing and would likely never happen again.<\/p>\r\n<p>Oddly enough, it happened again almost a year to the day after the first one. This time I was in my office at Penn State, and the symptoms were very different. Instead of being dizzy and disoriented, my left side went numb. I stumbled out of my office to get my assistant, who drove me to the local hospital. They again did the same tests and told me that I\u2019d had another vertebral artery dissection and another mini-stroke. However, this time it was the artery on the other side of my neck. I was again taken by ambulance to Geisinger Medical Center for another three days of observation. Later, the neurologist said he\u2019d never in 25 years of practice seen someone that had had two of these. He essentially said I was just extremely unlucky. I was really hoping I could learn what might have caused them, but I never did. Now, I simply take a baby aspirin each day to help prevent a clot if another dissection occurs. Fortunately, while I don&#8217;t know if I&#8217;ve had another dissection, I have not had another mini-stroke.<\/p>\r\n\r\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-10\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P4.mp3?_=10\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P4.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P4.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Stay by the Bay<\/h2>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Hills<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">\r\n<div id=\"attachment_792-2\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-792-2\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-792\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/up-marin-keeler_slant2-300x189.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"189\" srcset=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/up-marin-keeler_slant2-300x189.jpg 300w, https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/up-marin-keeler_slant2.jpg 614w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-792-2\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">If only the road were level.<\/p><\/div>\r\n<p>While I had visited Berkeley when deciding where to go for graduate school, I really didn&#8217;t appreciate how mountainous it is. Thus, when we moved to the Hill-Road house with a U-Haul towing an old VW Beetle, I looked at the map for the easiest way to get there. If you zoom out a few times on the map, you&#8217;ll see Marin Ave to the northwest. Marin Ave., being straight, seemed like a great route to get to Grizzly Peak avoiding the labyrinth of all the other roads. Being from southeastern Michigan, I never considered the elevation change; a road called Grizzly Peak should have clued me in. At the time, I didn&#8217;t know that Marin Ave. had been constructed as a trolley route and was a road no one really used because it went straight up the mountain, roughly 700 feet over about 0.8 miles, a 25% (30% maximum) grade. It is the steepest road in the SF Bay Area and legendary with hardcore cyclists. Going up is rough on a car&#8217;s clutch\/torque-converter and going down is rough on the brakes, so people rarely used it.<\/p>\r\n<div id=\"attachment_793-2\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-793-2\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-793\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/view-from-creston1-300x239.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"239\" srcset=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/view-from-creston1-300x239.jpg 300w, https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/view-from-creston1.jpg 614w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-793-2\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">View from the top of Marin Ave. over the San Francisco Bay<\/p><\/div>\r\n<p>We got maybe a fourth of the way up the road before it was clear we needed to rethink the route. Unfortunately, this was 1993, and we didn&#8217;t have a detailed map of the area. Thus, we turned off Marin, unhitched the car, and continued up separately. I don&#8217;t recall the details, but I suspect I drove the car because it had a manual transmission. There was a stop sign at every intersection, and starting from a stop on a 25% grade with a clutch is quite tricky. I either used some fancy footwork with one foot on both the brake and gas pedals or, more likely, used the emergency brake. <\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>The time I spent in the San Francisco Bay Area&#8211;in and around Berkeley&#8211;was probably some of the most enjoyable of my life. The first semester was stressful for a few reasons. First, I had never lived in an urban area, especially with a population density as high as it was. It took a long time to become accustomed to everything you wanted to do taking more time than you thought it would. Traffic was <em>always<\/em> a nightmare both on the expressways and the surface streets. Parking was always a problem; I had never had to circle a grocery store parking lot for 15 minutes to park. Lines everywhere were always extremely long. The DMV was a nightmare but lines in grocery stores usually extended down the aisles. At first, this was extremely frustrating, but there was nothing you could do about it. You had to simply learn to give yourself extra time and not stress too much about getting things done quickly.<\/p>\r\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: 0; float: left; margin: 10pt;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/maps\/embed?pb=!1m18!1m12!1m3!1d305.0387930650031!2d-122.25172803072934!3d37.887656134677684!2m3!1f0!2f39.28327254235046!3f0!3m2!1i1024!2i768!4f35!3m3!1m2!1s0x80857c11d49cb281%3A0x9da8ebec249221a1!2s37%20Hill%20Rd%2C%20Berkeley%2C%20CA%2094708!5e1!3m2!1sen!2sus!4v1616011007189!5m2!1sen!2sus\" width=\"400\" height=\"450\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\r\n<p>The other stress when we first moved to Berkeley was the living situation. My aunt had a friend whose mother, Alicemary, rented part of her house in the Berkeley Hills to students and was looking for a new tenant. The house wasn&#8217;t particularly nice, but it was on a million-dollar lot at the very top of the Berkeley Hills. Grizzly Peak ran along the crest of the mountain, and Hill Road rose above it. Our next-door neighbor (in the house to the southeast that looks more like a commercial building) was Donald Glazer, a Nobel Prize-winning physics professor. What isn&#8217;t particularly clear from the map is the topology. 37 Hill Road is at an elevation of almost 1200 feet, and the bus stop to the west is nearly 100 feet below. Walking up the hill from the bus stop was pretty good exercise.<\/p>\r\n<p>The deal was that we would take care of the property, house, and three dogs in exchange for not paying rent as Alicemary was too old to maintain the property. Taking care of the property was not an easy job. We were asked to rejuvenate and maintain the elaborate tiered garden that is now a grassy slope to the west of the house; it was completely overgrown with weeds and brush when we arrived. Not only were the plants all dead, but the wooden walkways that zigzagged down the hill and the watering system were falling apart. It really needed a professional gardener and landscaper to redo everything completely. We tried, but nothing we did seemed to be enough. We also learned that one of the dogs wasn&#8217;t house trained and would pee all over the house. This prompted the other dogs to do the same. I&#8217;d never house trained a dog, and Rita tried her best, but he&#8217;d been peeing in the house for so long that it was tough to change his behavior. I wonder if he ever got house trained.<\/p>\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-822_1 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-medium fg-round-medium fg-shadow-outline fg-shadow-inset-medium fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-822_1\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/37HillRoad.jpg\" data-caption-title=\"Street view of 37 Hill Road.\" data-attachment-id=\"810\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/03\/37HillRoad\/2030438569.jpg\" title=\"Street view of 37 Hill Road.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Street view of 37 Hill Road.<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/ViewFromBerkeleyHills.png\" data-caption-title=\"View from Hill Road looking over San Francisco Bay.\" data-attachment-id=\"812\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/03\/ViewFromBerkeleyHills\/670526869.png\" title=\"View from Hill Road looking over San Francisco Bay.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">View from Hill Road looking over San Francisco Bay.<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/dd71c86f8327be42497a67e392a2ccf9-scaled.jpg\" data-caption-title=\"View from Hill Road over San Francisco Bay.\" data-attachment-id=\"814\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/03\/dd71c86f8327be42497a67e392a2ccf9-scaled\/3863265504.jpg\" title=\"View from Hill Road over San Francisco Bay.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">View from Hill Road over San Francisco Bay.<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">3<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<p>Unfortunately, between the time we agreed to this deal and moved in, Alicemary&#8217;s health got much worse. When we first arrived, she was in a nursing home but came home soon after. Thus, taking care of Alicemary became part of our (i.e., mostly Rita&#8217;s) job. Obviously, Rita could not provide the needed medical care, so the family hired in-home nurses. Things from the house then started disappearing. It was very awkward because it seemed we were being blamed for this, either for actually taking the stuff or for not preventing it. I don&#8217;t remember the timing, but before the end of my first semester at UC-Berkeley, Alicemary passed away. I suspect this may have been in October or November. After that, Alicemary&#8217;s daughter essentially moved in. Her other daughter&#8217;s ex-husband then effectively moved in. Yes, it was an odd situation, and it was clear that Rita and I needed to find a new place. One good thing about living in the Berkeley Hills was that it allowed us to learn the area and make a much more informed decision about places to live. Thus, shortly thereafter, we moved to an apartment in a city just north of Berkeley, El Cerrito.<\/p>\r\n<p>Rita found a job at a Stride Rite store in a nearby shopping center. The apartment was very close to a BART (subway) stop, so I commuted to school that way most of the time. Fortunately, at this point, I had found an adviser and had a desk in a lab. Thus, I could basically treat school like work. I recall that we lived here for about two years before getting a spot in &#8220;family housing.&#8221;<\/p>\r\n<p>Northern California is a great place to live if you&#8217;re not trying to raise a family. Thus, as a student with no children, I was able to take full advantage of the area. Rita and I went on three whitewater rafting trips; two down the south fork of the American River and an overnight trip down the Klamath River. The Klamath River trip was great as we explored some beautiful areas near the river when we stopped to make camp. This trip was at the end of August 1997, as I recall hearing Princess Diana had died on the trip home. We went to wine country (Napa and Sonoma Valleys) a couple of times. We camped and explored the area around Big Sur on three or four occasions. We explored Monterrey, Carmel, and Santa Cruz. We went to Yosemite and camped near Mammoth Mountain, Mono Lake, and Lake Tahoe. We spent a few days during the winter near Donner Lake (near Lake Tahoe) in a cabin owned by my thesis adviser. I&#8217;d never seen so much snow; the cabin spent much of the winter nearly entirely buried.<\/p>\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-11\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P5.mp3?_=11\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P5.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P5.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Son<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-1866_1 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-1866_1\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/238.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1823\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/238.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_49b1.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1865\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_49b1.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_46e0.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1864\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_46e0.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_Caleb7_20_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1863\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_Caleb7_20_1024\/1671932287.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_13_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1862\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_13_1024\/1681382249.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_5_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1861\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb12_5_1024\/1536652194.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_7_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1859\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_7_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_4_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1858\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb11_4_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb10_29_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1857\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb10_29_1024\/2282732654.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb9_22_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1856\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb9_22_1024\/274717624.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb8_7_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1855\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb8_7_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb7_8_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1854\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb7_8_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb6_8_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1853\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb6_8_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_22_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1852\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_22_1024\/2145309358.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_11_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1851\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb5_11_1024\/95683395.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_34_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1850\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_34_1024\/2282590459.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_27_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1849\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb4_27_1024\/1406815675.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_28_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1848\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_28_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_5_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1847\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb3_5_1024\/1089243652.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb2_27_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1846\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb2_27_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb2_10_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1845\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb2_10_1024.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_1024-2.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1844\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_1024-2\/2647989139.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_30_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1843\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_30_1024\/3885508881.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_29_1024.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1842\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/thumb_caleb1_29_1024\/580040472.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IMG_4599-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1841\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_4599-scaled\/2542095304.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IMG_0628.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1840\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_0628\/1496541247.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IMG_0343.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1839\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_0343\/3611506476.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IMG_0014.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1838\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IMG_0014\/3704583738.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/img075-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1837\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/img075-scaled\/4132073942.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM001965.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1836\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM001965\/2807266837.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000840_1.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1835\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000840_1\/1632407680.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000791.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1834\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000791\/3108321930.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000676.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1833\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000676\/1090423924.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000602.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1832\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000602\/3954948.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000256.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1831\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000256\/4248923727.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/IM000074.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1830\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/IM000074\/898508746.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/DSC01349.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1829\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/DSC01349\/2736820151.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1828\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda\/309978517.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda001.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1827\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/CalebAmanda001\/669011729.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/caleb6_7.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1826\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/caleb6_7.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/200203192149938.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1825\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/200203192149938\/1897432703.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/200202082154890.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1824\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/09\/200202082154890\/3385515807.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">42<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<p>While waiting for our possession to move from Berkeley to State College, we stayed at Rita\u2019s parent\u2019s house in Michigan. My parents were living very near at that time also. Rita was about 20 weeks pregnant then and had already had two miscarriages. One night she woke me and said she thought her water broke. We went to St. Joseph\u2019s Medical Center, and they told us that she would deliver the baby within 72 hours. At a gestational age of 21-weeks, the baby would surely not survive. They suggested aborting the pregnancy. Rita told them she couldn&#8217;t do that as she could feel the baby moving. The biggest risk in waiting was apparently infection, so we decide to wait and see. They transferred her to the University of Michigan Medical Center, where she remained on bed rest for seven weeks.<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Abortions<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">\r\n<p>It seems like every few years the conservatives in this country get all fired up because liberals want to allow late-term abortions.\u00a0 What is usually lost in the rhetoric is that what liberals want is for doctors to not be charged with murder for performing late-term abortions that are, of course, deemed medically necessary.\u00a0 I have to say it was pretty shocking to hear the first doctor that saw Rita propose aborting the pregnancy.\u00a0 He certainly was pushing this on us, but I think he thought the risk, i.e., something serious happening to Rita that could possibly lead to her not being able to have children, was much greater than the highly unlikely reward, i.e. the baby being born at least four or five weeks after the amniotic sack broke.<\/p>\r\n<p>While I&#8217;m strongly pro-choice, I am also strongly not anti-life.\u00a0 Deciding whether or not to terminate the pregnancy never really seemed like an option to us as we naively didn&#8217;t see the harm in just waiting it out.\u00a0 I am still not quite sure what the harm in waiting was.\u00a0 I think the doctor just felt that there was no possible way the baby would be born at a gestational age at which it would survive.\u00a0 I have no idea how an abortion at 20 weeks into a pregnancy would be done.\u00a0 I suppose they would probably just induce labor.<\/p>\r\n<p>This story has another abortion-related twist in that the doctors actually decided to induce labor at 28 weeks.\u00a0 Obviously, they did force us to do this but their argument was that, with almost no amniotic fluid buffer, the baby&#8217;s lungs were not developing as they should and most babies born at this time have good outcomes.\u00a0 Rita and I actually thought about this a lot but we agreed that what the doctors said made a lot of sense, so we decided to have them &#8220;abort&#8221; the pregnancy.\u00a0 In every sense of the word, the doctors were performing an abortion because they were inducing the termination of a pregnancy.\u00a0 Of course, many women have labor induced or cesarian sections, and these could all be deemed late-term abortions.\u00a0 Of course, the doctors doing these procedures and the women having them done have no intention for the baby to die, but what if it does?<\/p>\r\n<p>Caleb <em>very<\/em> nearly did not make it, and it&#8217;s interesting to consider the ramifications had he not.\u00a0 Rita and I certainly would have second-guessed the decision to induce labor for the rest of our lives.\u00a0 Should the doctors have then been held responsible for Caleb&#8217;s death?\u00a0 While I can&#8217;t imagine Rita or I thinking this, the laws the conservatives want and the liberal fight against would have made the doctors legally culpable.\u00a0 If the doctors knew they might be legally liable if their best medical advice leads to death, would they not even consider doing what they thought was medically the best option?<\/p>\r\n<p>I think Pete Buttigieg, who I hope has a long career in politics, summed it up nicely while being questioned by Fox News&#8217; Chris Wallace who asked, &#8220;Do you believe, at any point in pregnancy, whether it&#8217;s at six weeks or eight weeks or 24 weeks or whenever, that there should be any limit on a woman&#8217;s right to have an abortion?&#8221;\u00a0 Buttigieg replied, &#8220;I think the dialogue has gotten so caught up on where you draw the line that we&#8217;ve gotten away from the fundamental question of who gets to draw the line, and I trust women to draw the line when it&#8217;s their own health.&#8221; When Wallace pushed him about advocating the third trimester abortions he has about the best reply I think I&#8217;ve ever heard, &#8220;That&#8217;s right, representing one percent of cases. So let&#8217;s put ourselves in the shoes of a woman in that situation. If it&#8217;s that late in your pregnancy, than almost by definition, you&#8217;ve been expecting to carry it to term. We&#8217;re talking about women who have perhaps chosen a name. Women who have purchased a crib, families that then get the most devastating medical news of their lifetime, something about the health or the life of the mother or viability of the pregnancy that forces them to make an impossible, unthinkable choice. And the bottom line is as horrible as that choice is, that woman, that family may seek spiritual guidance, they may seek medical guidance, but that decision is not going to be made any better, medically or morally, because the government is dictating how that decision should be made.&#8221;<\/p>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>Caleb was born on September 18, 1998, at a gestational age of 28 weeks but his lungs were severely underdeveloped from a lack of amniotic fluid in the uterus. He weighed 2.5 pounds and remained on a ventilator for nearly four weeks. While the nurses tried to prepare us for the NICU, I was completely unprepared for Caleb&#8217;s challenges. During his first day there, we watched his blood pressure drop to the single digits. The nurses started preparing us for him not to make it. Fortunately, the medication started to work, and his blood pressure slowly rose. While all the days of his nine-week stay in the NICU were not that rough, there were many more ups and downs. It was an emotional roller coaster ride, a big wake-up to the real world, and a rough welcome to becoming a father and professor. Needless to say, my first semester at PSU did not go well.<\/p>\r\n<p>I attempted to start teaching the class I was assigned while Rita was in the hospital. Fortunately, there was a direct flight from State College to Detroit, and I made the trip numerous times. One memorable flight was when employees of Northwest Airlines had just ended their strike; besides the pilots and flight attendants, I was the only person on the plane. After a few emergency trips to Ann Arbor, the department found someone to permanently teach my class which allowed me to spend all my time in Michigan.<\/p>\r\n<p>While Caleb coming home from the NICU was a huge step forward, it also was a very trying time for Rita and me. He was still in need of a great deal of medical attention and constant monitoring. We hooked him up to a breathing monitor at night, which constantly false alarmed. We took him repeatedly to Hershey Medical Center to determine if his retinopathy was improving or worsening. We tried everything possible to get him to gain weight. Nothing worked because I think his ultra-thin build has nothing to do with being premature. We got letters home every year from school alerting us that his BMI was in the 0.5th percentile. That\u2019s the problem with sick kids. You never know what is a problem and what is just individuality. This has been even more of an issue with Amanda.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-12\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P6.mp3?_=12\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P6.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P6.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Cancer<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Not long after Caleb\u2019s health seemed to stabilize and just after my parents had bought a house in Bedford County, Pennsylvania, between my brother in D.C. and me, but before they\u2019d moved, my mother was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma, i.e., cancer in the immune (lymph) system. The thing with lymphoma is that there are various types and a variety of stages. Some are very slow-growing, extending life expectancy but also reducing the effects of chemotherapy. Some are fast-growing and respond well to chemotherapy. There are also types with growth rates in between. It was never quite clear (to me at least) what type my mother had.<\/p>\r\n<p>The doctors treated it aggressively with chemotherapy, and for a while, it seemed to be working. However, as anyone who has closely followed someone with cancer knows, there are many ups and downs as one test result looks encouraging and the next looks discouraging. After a few years, it became clear that she was losing the battle. After roughly three years, she passed away on June 23, 2003. She had turned 58 the month before.<\/p>\r\n<p>I recall my dad calling my ex-inlaw&#8217;s house a few miles from my parent\u2019s house, where I stayed with Rita\u2019s family. I knew the end was near, but you always hold out a bit of hope for a miracle. All I really remember about the telephone call was my dad saying, \u201cMom passed.\u201d This was very early in the morning, and I recall hospice taking her as I arrived. Fortunately, I was able to spend some time with her after the kids\u2019 school year ended. I had not seen her for a few months, and I recall being devastated by how frail and weak she had gotten since the last I had seen her. The other memory I have of the day she died is a spectacular 180\u00b0 rainbow in the eastern sky.<\/p>\r\n<p>Losing my mother was quite hard. She was the one from whom I got my overzealous passion, outspokenness, and a strong desire for fairness and honesty. Unfortunately, this combination of traits also tends to annoy people if not moderated properly. My mother, who dealt with this with herself and her family, was always the person who would help me. Whenever I was overly upset about something and wanted to act, I would talk to her and inevitably calm down. There have been <em>many<\/em> occasions since her passing when her calming wisdom would have been helpful. There have also been <em>many<\/em> occasions when her passion and outspokenness likely would have been helpful.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-13\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P7.mp3?_=13\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P7.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P7.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Panicked Feeling<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>I can vividly remember the day that my anxiety turned into full-blown panic. While I spoke earlier about my anxiety about the safety of people close to me, I was always extremely nervous in other situations. For example, before baseball games throughout my teenage years, I was usually so nervous that I could hardly interact with people. While I don\u2019t recall being nervous before exams in high school, I was usually extremely nervous before exams in college. I remember my friends joking that the last person who should be nervous about an exam was me. After getting a B+ in freshmen English during my first semester, I never got anything less than a straight-A during the rest of my college career, but I never learned to relax before an exam. In fact, sometimes, I felt like I was the most nervous person in the room when I was <i>giving<\/i><b><i> <\/i><\/b>an exam. I was constantly worried about the exam being too long, too difficult, too easy, sufficient in covering important concepts, etc.<\/p>\r\n<p>I had spent the summer of 2001 living in Hampton, Virginia, and working at NASA Langley Research Center. Rita was pregnant with Amanda during this time. This was a great experience, and I came back to State College for the academic year with a lot of enthusiasm. I taught two classes that I\u2019d taught before but had decided to revamp one of them completely. Thus, I started making new notes from scratch. In early October 2001, I was sitting in an area of my office away from my computer where I would write and develop notes for class. Early in the semester, I had gotten ahead preparing notes, but my buffer at that point was basically empty, and I was making notes the day before or the day of a lecture. This wasn\u2019t really a serious problem, but I really needed to be focused on other things (i.e., research) as an assistant (untenured) professor. Plus, Rita was pregnant, and I was feeling constantly drained. I would later discover I had severe sleep apnea.<\/p>\r\n<p>While sitting at this side desk in my office, I just felt this sense of being completely overwhelmed and thinking that I was never going to maintain what I was doing for the rest of the semester, especially with a newborn at home. I started sweating and trembling (which I now call \u201cthe jitters\u201d), and I could not focus on anything. My mind was racing in all different directions, and I couldn\u2019t relax. In previous stressful situations, I could always calm myself, for example, once the game or exam started. However, this time I just could not calm down. I was supposed to be teaching a class that afternoon, and I was panicked that I would not be able to. I have since learned how depression and anxiety can lead to more depression and anxiety, and you can wind up in a terrible downward spiral.<\/p>\r\n<p>I wound up trying to teach my graduate-level class that afternoon, but the students could tell I was struggling with something, and I recall finally telling them I needed to take a few minutes. At that point, a couple of students told me it was fine to cancel the class, and I remember two of them walking back with me to my office as I trembled. I called Rita, and she came to pick me up. I felt terrible about ending class early, but there was no way I was going to be able to continue. My brain just could not focus.<\/p>\r\n<p>The problem was, this made me even more anxious about the much larger, and surely less understanding, undergraduate-level class the next day. I wondered if the same thing would happen. I got myself calmed down by the evening and was able to sleep, albeit with undiagnosed sleep apnea episodes occurring about once a minute. Stress has always made me sleepy. However, I woke up even more panicked than I was the previous day. There was no way I would be able to go to work, nonetheless give a lecture. I called in sick. This made me feel terrible and even more determined not to miss any more lectures. Unfortunately, this just ramped up the anxiety, and the downward spiral continued.<\/p>\r\n<p>During this period, my typical day was as follows. I would wake up in an utter panic with my mind racing. I couldn\u2019t focus on anything, which resulted in me not making even simple decisions. I would stand in the walk-in closet, not being able to decide what to wear, even though I knew it really didn\u2019t matter. You don\u2019t realize how many simple decisions you make every day until each one of them becomes a huge one in your mind.<\/p>\r\n<p>The mornings were definitely the toughest, but I could usually settle down by the late afternoon. But the cycle would repeat every day, and it became clear that I would not be able to teach classes that semester. My department head found someone to cover for me permanently after Amanda was born and rushed to the NICU.<\/p>\r\n<p>At some point after Amanda\u2019s birth, I realized that I was not going to be able to overcome these panic attacks on my own and started looking for a psychiatrist that could help. I can\u2019t remember who I initially saw, but he prescribed me Zoloft. The problem with anti-depressants is that they take a long time to start working, and in fact, you never really know if they\u2019re doing anything or not. It\u2019s not like you&#8217;ll notice anything different if you don\u2019t take them for a day or two. Likewise, if you start to feel depressed, taking one won\u2019t make you immediately feel any better.<\/p>\r\n<p>Eventually, I was able to pull myself out of the downward spiral of despair and get back to functioning normally. Going through a case of clinical depression and anxiety was very eye-opening for me. While people understood this far more in 2001 than in, say, 1980, there was still a stigma about it, and I think there still is. Before going through it myself, I was one of those people that would think, \u201cYou\u2019re depressed? Just do something fun to make yourself feel better.\u201d Unfortunately, it simply does not work that way. First, everything you used to enjoy does not seem enjoyable anymore. My psychiatrist once told me that when you\u2019re depressed, you cannot understand how you could not be, and when you\u2019re not depressed, you cannot understand how you could be. This is <i>very<\/i> true. You simply cannot make yourself feel better.<\/p>\r\n<p>I truly believe that until you\u2019ve gone through it yourself, you do not completely understand, just like men cannot completely understand what it\u2019s like to be a woman and vice versa. People can be sympathetic and possibly even empathetic because they\u2019ve likely had events in their life that were depressing. I&#8217;ve obviously been through this kind of depression, but clinical depression is very different; there really isn\u2019t anything that causes it. It would be great if you could pinpoint one thing in your life that you could change to make it go away, but you can\u2019t. In fact, I have realized that my issues usually happen <i>after<\/i> a stressful event has passed. For example, if there is a deadline, I can focus on meeting that deadline. After the deadline passed, I would feel overwhelmed with all \u201cthe other\u201d things I needed to do. Without something on which to focus, my brain would start to race, and every small thing I needed to do felt like something huge.<\/p>\r\n<p>The best way to make people who have never experienced this understand is to ask them if they could make themselves fall asleep whenever they wanted. They would obviously know they could not. I would then tell them it was like telling someone that was clinically depressed just to feel better. You can\u2019t do it. There\u2019s some chemical imbalance in your brain that simply does not allow it. This is just like how some chemical builds in your brain while awake, allowing you to fall asleep. As an engineer, I would joke that you were simply not able to control the controller in your head. It\u2019s just like trying to unsee something. You just cannot do it, and the more you try, the harder it is. I joke with people now that I should have just told people I had debilitating migraines. While not everyone has had a migraine, almost everyone has had a headache. Thus, they can understand how migraines could make doing anything complicated and empathize with a person dealing with them.<\/p>\r\n<p>The Zoloft did not really cause any side effects for me besides occasional night sweats which have not happened in years at this point. However, once I started feeling better, I started wondering what it was actually doing for me. As someone hesitant to take medications in general, I decided to stop taking Zoloft. This was, unfortunately, a huge mistake. While I was fine for a while, when autumn came around, I started having problems again. As with many people, I have learned the fall is generally not a good time for me. I wound up in a downward spiral again and had to take a leave from work. Not long after this, three of my nephews died in a house fire. I will discuss this later.<\/p>\r\n<p>I had stopped seeing the psychiatrist, and I wasn\u2019t sure how to get my prescription restarted. For some reason, I thought that my regular doctor would not be willing to prescribe anti-depressants; now that\u2019s who writes the prescriptions. Rita tried to get an appointment with a psychiatrist as there was no way I was able to deal with it. Unfortunately, no one had any openings. She finally found someone and took me to see him. His office was basically an empty room with a desk. He suggested I take Remeron. I\u2019m not sure why besides him having some samples in his desk. He gave them to Rita, who noticed they were actually expired. He then rummaged around and found some that were not. It was not a good experience, and I think this was the only time I saw him.<\/p>\r\n<p>He also gave me a prescription for Remeron, and I tried taking it for a couple of weeks. The problem was that it just made me sleep all the time. And when I was awake, I was very groggy and out of it. Maybe if I\u2019d given it longer the side effects would have subsided, but I decided I really needed to see another psychiatrist.<\/p>\r\n<p>Rita learned that the best way to get seen immediately was to go to the hospital and check in to the psychiatric ward. Rita\u2019s father was bipolar and had been having many problems after he retired and had spent some time in one. Thus, we decided to go to Mount Nittany Medical Center and see if they had beds available. Fortunately, they did, and I was admitted. This was the first time I had ever been admitted to a hospital. It was not a pleasant experience, although a lot of that had to do with the depression. However, I was able to see a psychiatrist who simply said, \u201cWell, it seems as Zoloft worked before; let\u2019s get you back on that.\u201d<\/p>\r\n<p>I\u2019m not sure how long I stayed in the hospital, but I suspect it was about a week. I learned a lot about mental illnesses and how I could better deal with mine. One thing I realized is that it is different for each person. There were obviously many other mentally ill patients in the hospital, and I realized that I had it very well compared to most of their lives. After I was released, I was able to start developing some coping strategies that worked for me. Unfortunately, the death of my nephews made it all seem pointless.<\/p>\r\n<p>I have not really had a big problem with depression or anxiety in a long time. There were some episodes at the beginning of the divorce and my initial dealings with the legal system, and I will discuss those later. I have learned that there will be some bad days, but I just have to accept them and not get worried that it\u2019s the start of something bigger. I justify these bad days by simply telling myself I\u2019m sick. I rarely ever get physically sick so being mentally sick for a couple of days isn\u2019t a big deal. This strategy has worked well.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-14\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P8.mp3?_=14\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P8.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P8.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Daughter (and Another)<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Before I talk about the house fire, I will discuss Amanda\u2019s birth and subsequent medical complications.<\/p>\r\n<p>Amanda was born full-term on October 30, 2001, but the doctors immediately notice some abnormalities. They monitored her closely and realized she was not able to dispel material in her bowels. They believed she had Hirschsprung\u2019s disease, which is when nerve endings are missing from the colon. Amanda was rushed to Hershey Medical Center, where she was to have a \u201cpull-through\u201d surgery in which they remove the portion of the colon that does not have nerve endings. When they started this procedure, they realized her appendix had ruptured at some point. Thus, instead of doing the pull-through procedure, they removed her appendix and gave her a colostomy. They also discovered the extent of her birth defects, including the lack of a bladder and a uterus. She spent four weeks in the NICU.<\/p>\r\n<p>We were much more prepared for the NICU experience this time, but it was entirely different. There are basically two situations that cause a baby to be in a NICU. The first, as with Caleb, is being born prematurely. The second, as with Amanda, is having birth defects. As there are no private rooms (or any rooms) in a NICU, we had also learned a lot about the issues of birth defects while Caleb was in the hospital. That experience left me amazed at how many different things can go wrong in a developing fetus that will allow it to survive <em>in utero<\/em> but not after birth. Fetal development truly is amazing. During this time, I made regular drives between Hershey and State College and stayed quite a few nights in the nearby Ronald McDonald house. These are amazing, and if you want to consider giving to a charity, I would recommend this one. Fortunately, Rita&#8217;s parents were retired by this point and could stay with Caleb in State College. My parents also regularly came from Michigan, but my dad had not yet retired, and my mother was dealing with cancer.<\/p>\r\n<p>On August 13, 2002, Amanda had her third surgery. Because she did not have a bladder, urine continually flowed from her kidneys through a urogenital sinus and out. The surgeons were worried about infection, so they gave her a vesicostomy, which was a surgically created connection between the urogenital sinus and the skin in Amanda&#8217;s case. Because she was only nine months old at this point, the urine was not collected in a bag but by her diaper.<\/p>\r\n<p>Surgery #4 was on October 18, 2002. Because Amanda had a colostomy, there was no rush to perform the Hirchsprung\u2019s pull-through procedure. Thus, the surgeons waited until she was almost a year old to perform this operation. The operation appeared to be successful, but we later learned that she has other bowel control issues that may or may not be related to Hirschsprung&#8217;s disease. The colostomy was left in place so the colon could heal. We had to dilate her anus each day for about a month. Rita couldn&#8217;t bring herself to do this, so I had to. It was not pleasant.<\/p>\r\n<p>Once Amanda\u2019s colon had healed sufficiently, on February 7, 2003, the surgeons removed her colostomy in the hope that she could have normal bowel movements. Unfortunately, while feces now moves through the colon and out, Amanda did not have complete control of when this happened.<\/p>\r\n<p>After months of trying to diagnose what was causing Amanda so much abdominal pain, an ultrasound technician happened to scan a little higher in her abdomen than intended and realized Amanda had gallstones. Because no one suspected a five-year-old child would have gallstones, the doctors never thought to look. She then had her gallbladder removed on August 21, 2007. I was later accused of saying she was lying about her pain. In fact, Rita and I couldn&#8217;t figure out what was going on. Ultrasounds showed nothing, so we thought maybe it was stress-related or she was nervous about going&#8211;or not wanting to go&#8211;back to school.<\/p>\r\n<p>At some point, the doctors also realized that Amanda had a tethered spinal cord. This happens when the very end of the spinal cord, which is essentially just the sheath that encases the nerves, gets entangled in the vertebrae. This is a problem because the spine grows faster than the spinal cord. Thus, if both ends are attached to something, i.e., the top to the brain and the bottom to the vertebrae, the spinal cord will get stretched as a child grows. This can then lead to neuro-muscular problems, especially in the lower extremities. This condition often resolves itself naturally so the plan was to monitor it and hope for that. After a few years, the neurologist decided that it was not going to fix itself naturally and the spinal cord was getting stretched to a point at which problems could develop. Thus, Amanda had surgery to untether her spinal cord. This sounds like a much more complicated and dangerous procedure than it really is. After shaving away a bit of the vertebra to access the entangled cord, the surgeon simply cuts the cord to release it. As there are no nerves in the spinal cord at this location, doing this does not do any neurological damage. The surgery was deemed a success, although as Amanda got older she started to have weakness in one of her legs. I don&#8217;t think it&#8217;s clear that the tethered spinal cord caused this but it seems like the natural culprit.<\/p>\r\n<p>Because Amanda was born with essentially no bladder, on June 3, 2008, the pediatric urologist at Hershey Medical Center constructed one from bowel tissue. He put a port in Amanda&#8217;s abdomen in which someone can insert a catheter to empty the bladder; we had to do this every three hours. Thus, we would have to wake her up twice a night to empty her bladder. The plan was to slowly stretch this time out because being woken up every three hours was not good for anyone. The idea was to let the pressure in the bladder stretch the bowel tissue because it is not as compliant as normal bladder tissue. However, after a few traumatic episodes later in 2008, Amanda refused to go more than three hours at night. Although we did try to stretch it out so that she would only be awoken once per night.<\/p>\r\n<p>These episodes started not long after Amanda recovered from surgery when we realized there was a problem with the channel connecting the port in her abdomen to the bladder. The surgeon had tried to make a valving mechanism so that when the bladder got full and expanded, the channel was pinched closed so urine did not leak out. The idea was that the catheter would push through this valve to release the pressure and drain the bladder. Unfortunately, on a few occasions and always at night when Amanda was sleeping, we would wake her and not be able to get the catheter in. Each time this resulted in a traumatic trip to the emergency room, and Amanda experienced a great deal of pain as her bladder distended. While the procedure to empty her bladder in this situation was simple\u2014inserting a needle through the abdominal wall\u2014the emergency room doctors always had to talk to the surgeons in Hershey to be certain of the procedure and where to insert the needle. Thus, on November 18, 2008, Amanda had another surgery in which they discovered the channel would get kinked when the bladder was overly full and repositioned things to prevent this. During this surgery time, the surgeons also created a port that allowed us to flush Amanda\u2019s bowels with an antegrade colonic enema or ACE.<\/p>\r\n<p>Amanda started having more trouble emptying her bladder at the end of 2012. It was the same issue as before; we could not get the catheter in, and we would have to take her to the emergency room. Again this always happened at night. I argued strongly that we should simply leave the catheter in at night since we were not following the bladder-stretching protocol. I ultimately sent the surgeon a long email about the issue and that I thought not leaving the catheter in at night was doing Amanda (and our family) much more harm than good. He agreed and said it was fine to leave the catheter in. Rita viewed this as an unacceptable compromise because it might make the value leak, and refused to do it. My thought was that if the valve did start leaking slightly, it was really no big deal. Amanda\u2019s classmates were not going to think she peed her pants if her shirt just under her ribs was slightly wet. Plus, we could always put gauze over the stoma to absorb anything that leaked. She\u2019d feel the dampness before it would soak through to her shirt.<\/p>\r\n<p>On June 19, 2014, the doctors performed the ninth surgery to again try to fix the valving mechanism, which had apparently changed as she grew.<\/p>\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-1541_1 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-1541_1\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:false,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/DSC00258-1.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1538\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/DSC00258-1\/142115192.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Amanda-1.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1494\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Amanda-1\/1642514692.jpg\" width=\"450\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000284.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1500\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000284\/3100890411.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000217.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1497\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000217\/1321856310.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000482.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1502\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000482\/3909142060.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000258.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1498\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000258\/425787394.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/DSC01322.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1496\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/DSC01322\/3877164672.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000259.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1499\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000259\/1965209311.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IM000789_1.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1535\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/thumb_IM000789_1\/2283526112.jpg\" width=\"334\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000848.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1505\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000848\/3994025591.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000862.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1506\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000862\/3586862847.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_4771.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1537\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_4771\/3294955265.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0253.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1520\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0253\/3682748345.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/iPhoneAmanda-rotated-e1622298485575.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1534\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/iPhoneAmanda-rotated-e1622298485575\/3008329666.jpg\" width=\"378\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_largepv_3a46.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1536\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_largepv_3a46\/2565156344.jpg\" width=\"203\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_2329-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1531\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_2329-scaled\/1693724006.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000911-e1622386714724.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1507\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000911-e1622386714724\/116915947.jpg\" width=\"278\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM000913.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1508\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM000913\/3780063297.jpg\" width=\"520\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0740-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1523\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0740-rotated\/203113197.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1791.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1529\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1791\/766247328.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1809-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1530\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1809-rotated\/3461080477.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1635-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1528\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1635-rotated\/1978674199.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3484-scaled.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1532\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3484-scaled\/2288922217.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1564.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1527\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1564\/3600313548.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0863-rotated.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1526\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0863-rotated\/1488259867.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0199.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1518\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0199\/3667600883.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0252.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1519\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0252\/1513380958.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0268.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1521\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0268\/529322345.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0011.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1511\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0011\/2327346003.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0800.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1524\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0800\/3868018195.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0016.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1512\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0016\/3124145870.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0025.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1514\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0025\/2040736992.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0147.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1516\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0147\/4284727230.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1515\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146\/3407712244.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0305.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1522\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0305\/572131976.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0018.jpeg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1513\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0018\/3812456325.jpeg\" width=\"540\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IM001938.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1510\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IM001938\/3140649746.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/09-30-05_1426.jpg\" data-caption-desc=\"Favorite of Amanda\" data-attachment-id=\"1491\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/09-30-05_1426\/16697577.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-desc\">Favorite of Amanda<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/DSC00263.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1588\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/DSC00263\/1035761713.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">39<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<p>One of the most difficult things with Amanda when she was young is never really knowing if she was sick with some normal childhood illness, e.g., the flu, or if there was something more problematic going on. As a child, she could tell us what hurt but had no idea why or if it felt like something serious or not. She would also regularly get bladder infections even though she (mostly) used single-use catheters. As she got older, she, of course, learned more about anatomy and, in particular, her peculiar anatomy, and is much better at distinguishing and helping diagnose what might be going on.<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Insurance Companies 1<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">**Aside about medical expenses.<\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>I think a big part of the marital problems stems from Amanda\u2019s health issues. I <em>obviously<\/em> do not blame Amanda or anyone for these and hope she does not think I do, although, at one point during the divorce, it was mentioned that she thought I blamed her. I do not blame her <em>at all<\/em>, but I think we did not handle it well. The lack of sleep simply weighed on everyone over time. This was especially true for Rita (and Amanda) since Rita never trusted that I would wake up; I\u2019m a very sound sleeper. This led to some arguments between Rita and me because I felt if she was always going to get up even when it was my turn, why should I get up too? Rita would then get mad that I wasn\u2019t \u2018helping\u2019 her, but it wasn&#8217;t a two-person job, and there was no sense in both of us being sleep-deprived. Not surprisingly, Rita wound up being very grumpy all the time. I\u2019m sure Amanda likely overheard Rita and l debating how to handle things.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\"> I <\/span>just hope that she does not feel like she caused the marital problems. She couldn\u2019t help the situation, and Rita and I did not deal with it well.<\/p>\r\n<p>On April 22, 2008, Amelia was born&#8230; without having to be rushed to the NICU. Rita wanted to try one last time to have a &#8220;normal&#8221; pregnancy and birth. Fortunately, it worked out that way, and there really isn&#8217;t anything notable to say about her birth. I recall, however, when we first told Caleb and Amanda that Rita was pregnant with Amelia. We were thinking they would be really happy that they&#8217;d have a new brother or sister. However, as we told them and the news settled in, we could see the worry in their eyes, and they both started to cry. They then started asking us if we could take care of a third kid and telling us how hard it would be. They were worried that there wouldn&#8217;t be enough food. We were not at all prepared for this response, but we assured them things would be fine.<\/p>\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-1555_1 .fg-image { width: 640px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-shadow-outline fg-loading-default fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-hover fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-1555_1\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0382-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1617\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0382-scaled\/2584520421.jpeg\" width=\"640\" height=\"140\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0381-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1616\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0381-scaled\/371161183.jpeg\" width=\"640\" height=\"138\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0368-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1615\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0368-scaled\/4124144097.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"138\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369-1-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1614\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369-1-scaled\/1786486069.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"145\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1027-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1613\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1027-scaled\/367221363.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AQ2JkmbgjoOfsxLk261MPHkK_QND.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1612\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AQ2JkmbgjoOfsxLk261MPHkK_QND.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0956.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1611\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0956.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0975.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1610\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_0975.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1144.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1609\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1144.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0297.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1608\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0297\/4074104039.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0502-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1607\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0502-scaled\/180504374.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_2711-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1606\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_2711-scaled\/1880571837.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3178-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1605\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3178-scaled\/3873047087.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3667-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1604\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3667-scaled\/2875444858.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0210.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1603\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0210\/2045186267.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0276.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1602\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0276\/3902201994.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0374-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1601\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0374-scaled\/1242145730.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0375-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1600\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0375-scaled\/372729079.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0829-rotated.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1599\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0829-rotated\/3633017690.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0897-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1598\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0897-scaled\/626922183.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1036.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1597\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1036\/2160249486.jpg\" width=\"430\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0047.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1595\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0047\/3656668755.jpeg\" width=\"332\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0372.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1594\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0372\/247674754.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0373-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1593\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0373-scaled\/517145201.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0388-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1592\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0388-scaled\/716640931.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0919.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1591\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0919\/2271711986.jpeg\" width=\"245\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1026-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1590\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1026-scaled\/2556221000.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-8-6-12-at-10.49-PM.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1589\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-8-6-12-at-10_49-PM\/1060870836.jpeg\" width=\"541\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1587\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0369.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0857.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1586\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0857\/2672589403.jpeg\" width=\"272\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1530.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1585\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1530\/1290627672.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3174-scaled.jpeg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1584\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3174-scaled\/4075298460.jpeg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-2010-08-02-at-17.30.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1583\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Photo-on-2010-08-02-at-17_30\/958592742.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/TalkatoneMessage-2.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1582\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/TalkatoneMessage-2\/3474481650.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1217.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1581\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1217.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0383-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1580\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0383-scaled\/2515508213.jpeg\" width=\"640\" height=\"198\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0371-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1579\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0371-scaled\/130430742.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/7d0b5aad9e0d581b67f044fd2d0866ce95bc04c2.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1578\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/7d0b5aad9e0d581b67f044fd2d0866ce95bc04c2\/3966148446.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0370-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1577\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0370-scaled\/253766290.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0376-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1576\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0376-scaled\/4228242759.jpg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1188-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1575\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1188-scaled\/2177528515.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0816-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1574\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0816-scaled\/1657921718.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0927-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1573\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0927-scaled\/2542179782.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0970-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1572\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0970-scaled\/990571383.jpeg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1038.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1571\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1038\/4179340251.jpg\" width=\"344\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1155-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1570\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1155-scaled\/3306904099.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_2352-scaled.jpg\" data-caption-title=\"Back Camera\" data-attachment-id=\"1569\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_2352-scaled\/823425479.jpg\" title=\"Back Camera\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Back Camera<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_4367-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1568\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_4367-scaled\/4109954076.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_4368-scaled.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1567\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_4368-scaled\/3232942794.jpg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Messages-Image1197791408.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1566\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/Messages-Image1197791408\/2032812528.jpeg\" width=\"249\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0195.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1565\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0195\/3878762544.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0272.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1564\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0272\/3943627479.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0391.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1563\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0391\/3961442166.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0620.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1562\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0620\/606809778.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_1561.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1561\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_1561\/1805641646.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1560\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0146\/3473054763.jpeg\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_0623.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1559\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_0623\/2098878703.jpg\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/IMG_3753-scaled.jpeg\" data-attachment-id=\"1558\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/05\/IMG_3753-scaled\/864742820.jpeg\" width=\"269\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AYwabNaRGb4uRNs6NMrDNxD8HkD.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1557\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_AYwabNaRGb4uRNs6NMrDNxD8HkD.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1136.jpg\" data-attachment-id=\"1556\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/thumb_IMG_1136.jpg\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">60<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-15\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P9.mp3?_=15\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P9.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P9.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Shoe Store<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>As I mentioned previously, Rita worked in a Stride Rite children\u2019s shoe store for a few years while I was a graduate student. She seemed to enjoy it for the most part and had learned a lot about the children\u2019s shoe business.<\/p>\r\n<p>Shortly after Amanda was born, we went to the local Stride Rite to get shoes for Caleb and saw they were closing. We inquired about this and were told the owners were getting divorced and selling the story to divide the assets. Since Rita had experience managing a children\u2019s shoe store, we discussed buying it. Looking at their tax returns for the prior three years, it was pretty clear the store was making money. We knew they were pretty desperate to sell, so we simply offered to purchase the inventory. They accepted, and we were owners of a children\u2019s shoe store.<\/p>\r\n<p>It was pretty clear in 2002 that the future of retail was online, but I thought parents would really want to have their children try shoes on before buying them. Plus, I had looked into e-commerce software and thought it wouldn\u2019t be too hard to develop an online presence that might combine the ease of online shopping with the benefits of making sure the shoes fit. By the time we closed the store, even Stride Rite, who had always emphasized how the people at their stores had been trained to make sure the shoes fit well, was selling online. However, I think the two things that really hurt the business were Zappos\u2019 free delivery\/returns and not competing on selection. I\u2019d heard from several colleagues that they would buy three or four pairs from Zappos and return those that didn\u2019t fit well. Obviously, the price of shipping was included in the price of the shoes, but the convenience outweighed the higher cost for most people.<\/p>\r\n<p>With the ability to store shoes in cheap warehouse space&#8211;not in a small retail store&#8211;and deep pockets to keep many shoes in stock, Zappos could simply offer people a much wider selection than we could. One of the difficulties in the shoe business, especially the children\u2019s shoe business, is maintaining inventory. When you multiply the number of styles by the number of sizes and then by two or three different widths, you get some huge numbers. Plus, you needed to place orders months in advance, and there is usually no way to replenish inventory once popular styles sell out. I think large chain stores had more clout with the manufacturers to refresh inventory, and they also had the ability to move shoes from store to store.<\/p>\r\n<p>A change we made at the outset was to no longer be an official Stride Rite franchise. There was no franchise fee, but Stride Rite required that 80% of your inventory had to be their shoes. Rita wanted to sell New Balance, Sketchers, Elefanten, and Nike shoes, and Robeez slippers. There was no way we would be able to maintain an 80% Stride Rite inventory. In hindsight, I\u2019m not sure how they would have really ever known since I don\u2019t recall a Stride Rite representative visiting the store. Although, maybe if we kept the Stride Rite name, they would have checked. We decided to call the store Small Feats Footwear.<\/p>\r\n<p>With all of the turmoil in our lives at that time, I think this was not a very smart decision in hindsight. I was still an assistant professor, and while Caleb was doing well, we knew Amanda had a lot ahead of her. The plan was to hire people to work there for a few years as things with Amanda stabilized. Unfortunately, it was hard to find reliable employees, although we did find a few. However, they were often students who moved on when they graduated. Plus, we could really only afford to have one person there at a time. This resulted in a lot of laziness because there was no other person to tell us their coworker was not doing anything.<\/p>\r\n<p>I also learned that running a small business is a lot of work. Advertising is something that I don\u2019t think we ever really understood well. It was expensive and hard to tell if it was working. We advertised on the radio and local television a bit but never really could quantify how or if it benefitted sales. We also sent out many mailers and participated in coupon packs you often get in the mail. The postcard advertisements we send were probably the most effective as they were targeted at prior customers. They were also relatively cheap. If we still operated the store, I\u2019m sure we would have replaced these with email, which would have been significantly cheaper without having the postcards printed and paying the postage to mail them.<\/p>\r\n<p>I developed a point-of-sale system that could also act as a website for online sales, which we never really deployed. I used an open-source e-commerce web application called osCommerce written in the scripting language PHP and used an open-source database to store information. One benefit of this was that it allowed me to learn to program in PHP and interface software with a database. I made many custom modifications to osCommerce to fit the needs of a shoe store and added inventory tracking and payroll\/accounting pieces to it.<\/p>\r\n<p>One of the problems I saw with the normal shoe store model of having samples on display and a back room full of inventory was that most of the time, kids left disappointed because they would see a style they really liked on the showroom floor. However, the particular size they needed was not in stock. When we moved locations, we decided to use a new strategy of having everything on display. I built about 20 large shelving units with sloped shelves at eye level for displaying shoes and cabinets above and below for storing the boxes. To try to prevent theft, we kept one shoe on display and the other in the box in the cabinets. With this arrangement, parents could simply have their kids\u2019 feet measured and take them to the section containing their size to pick from what we had. This seemed to work well.<\/p>\r\n<p>Unfortunately, the shoe store never made any money, and we wound up with a lot of debt from it. While the Robeez slippers always sold well, we simply could not compete with the inventory and convenience of Zappos. We tried buying and selling used children\u2019s clothes for a while, but that didn\u2019t seem to help things much. I learned a lot from that experience, but the lessons were costly.\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-16\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P10.mp3?_=16\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P10.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P10.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<h2>A Tragedy<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Just after midnight on November 16, 2002, we were awakened by a telephone call. We didn\u2019t make it to the phone in time to answer it and figured it was probably a wrong number or something. However, when the phone rang again, we knew it was something serious. It was Rita&#8217;s brother Mark, and when I heard Rita say, \u201cMark, please tell me it&#8217;s not true. Please, Mark. Tell me it\u2019s not true.\u201d I realized that something terrible had happened. I first assumed it was something about her mother or father, but after what seemed like forever for Rita to regain her composure, she finally said, \u201cthe boys are dead.&#8221; \u201cThe boys\u201d were my three nephews who were 13, 10, and 7 years old at the time and lived in Milan, the town in which I was raised.<\/p>\r\n<p>This is probably the worst experience I have ever been through. It occurred seven months before my mother passed away and a year after Amanda was born. Rita (especially) and I were very close with the oldest boy, who we took care of regularly when he was a baby.<\/p>\r\n<p>I am not completely sure of the details, but from what I understand, an electrical fire started in a small attic space next to where the boys had their bedroom. They think maybe when the house had a new roof installed, a nail might have shorted some wires. The fire apparently smoldered for several hours during the evening. When it finally burned through the bedroom wall near the top of the stairs, a great deal of heat had built up and now, given ample oxygen, almost immediately engulfed the stairwell and much of the bedroom. At this point, the fire alarms went off, but the upstairs bedroom was cut off from the downstairs where Rita&#8217;s sister and her husband were sleeping. They immediately called for help but were blocked from going up the stairs. They then went outside and tried with a ladder to get to the only window away from the heart of the fire. They could not reach the window because the ladder was too short. Once they found something to elevate the ladder further, the fire was simply too hot even to approach the window; it melted the vinyl siding on their neighbor\u2019s house.<\/p>\r\n<p>This was a tragedy that one would like to think was caused by negligence, so you can tell yourself it couldn\u2019t happen to you. However, it really seems like nothing could have been done. Everything that could have gone wrong did.<\/p>\r\n<p>I hope that the boys were overcome by the smoke and passed out because they were burned beyond recognition. Some volunteer firefighters were burned through their protective gear trying to get to the boys. One was the brother of a high school friend who apparently went through many months of therapy trying to deal with what he saw.<\/p>\r\n<p>My brother drove up from the Washington, D.C., area to help with things, and he wound up driving all of us to Michigan. On the way there, just as we were getting out of State College, I started having severe pains in my abdomen. At first, I thought maybe it was just from the stress. However, as the pain intensified, I asked Lee to pull into a gas station because I thought maybe it was severe gas pain. I could barely walk to the bathroom and realized I needed to be seen by a doctor. We were very close to the local hospital, so we took a detour there. I was admitted to the E.R. and informed that I had a kidney stone. I had never had one before, so I was not familiar with the pain. Fortunately, it passed quickly, the pain almost immediately went away, and it didn\u2019t delay our arrival in Michigan too long. I had another kidney stone a couple of years later but have not had one since. It could not have happened at a worse time.<\/p>\r\n<p>The aftermath of this is still an issue for me, and I assume for Rita. She regularly cried for a year, was then depressed for many more years, and was then upset that her memories of her nephews were fading.<\/p>\r\n<p>I\u2019m sure Amanda doesn\u2019t remember anything about this as she was just over a year old. However, Caleb was four at the time. I\u2019m not sure what he still remembers, but I suspect a lot. We talked to a counselor about how to help him deal with this as he was very close to his cousins. The counselor told us he was really too young to be concerned about his own death. However, he didn\u2019t seem to be doing well, so we had the counselor see him a few times. It turns out that he wasn\u2019t afraid of dying, but he was afraid that if he did die, it would make everyone very sad, and he didn\u2019t want that to happen again. I\u2019m not sure if this is the reason, but he has a tremendous amount of empathy now.<\/p>\r\n<p>It\u2019s hard to believe that David would now be **, Dustin **, and Anthony **. When you die, you stop aging; they are still children in the only memories I have of them. It was like my own children caught up to and passed their cousins as they aged.<\/p>\r\n<p>I also suspect that this incident really altered the course of my marriage as I suspect that Rita\u2019s sister and mother, who live very close to one another in Michigan, pushed very hard for Rita to move so our kids could somehow fill the void left by the death of my nephews.<\/p>\r\n<p>I wrote much of this many years ago, but it still makes me cry as I edit it now.<\/p>\r\n\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-17\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P11.mp3?_=17\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P11.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P11.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">A Stroke (and Another)<\/h2>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>One evening in the fall of 2011, I was sitting at home on the couch while Rita took the kids to get takeout for dinner. Suddenly the room started spinning, and when I closed my eyes, I had a hard time keeping myself from tilting to the right. It was like &#8216;up&#8217; was in a different direction, and to keep from tipping over on the couch, I needed to lean to the right. It was very odd. At first, I thought something had happened in my inner ear as my equilibrium was way off. I tried to stand up, but there was no way I could keep my balance. I then crawled over to the end table to get my phone and called Rita, who I suspect immediately called 911.<\/p>\r\n<p>After I hung up the phone, I started to sweat more than I think I ever have. My hair and shirt were soaked in minutes. I also started to feel extremely nauseous and thought I was going to vomit. I think Rita arrived before the ambulance did. I really had no idea what was going on but was oddly not that worried about it. By the time the ambulance arrived, I felt a little better but still had to be wheeled out of the house into the ambulance. They took me to the E.R. at Mount Nittany Medical Center. By the time I arrived at the hospital, maybe 15 minutes later, I felt significantly better.<\/p>\r\n<p>At the hospital, they did a scan to see if blood flow was constricted anywhere. At the time, I don\u2019t even think I realized that they were checking to see if I had had a stroke. After the tests, they took me back to the E.R., and at that point, I was feeling pretty much normal. The doctor came in and said I\u2019d had a vertebral artery dissection (which sounded to me a lot worse than it is) and a mini-stroke. I was shocked. I really had no idea what I\u2019d experienced was as serious as a stroke.<\/p>\r\n<p>I was taken to Geisinger Medical Center, a much larger medical facility, by ambulance. I spent about three days there under close observation as they were afraid another clot could form. They had me on strong blood thinners to try to prevent this. For about a week after I was released, I had to give myself shots of blood thinner that caused huge bruises around the injection site. I then took Coumadin for many months and had to get the levels checked to adjust the dose frequently.<\/p>\r\n<p>An arterial dissection happens when the interior wall of the artery tears away, creating a flap of tissue. This will eventually heal, but a clot can form from the stagnant blood that gets trapped by the flap. When this clot breaks free, it can travel into the brain and eventually reach a blood vessel too small for it to pass. This cuts off blood flow to whatever region of the brain was supplied blood by this vessel.<\/p>\r\n<p>People have vertebral arteries on each side of their neck that run alongside the carotid arteries and provide blood to the brain. As you can see in the illustration, the vertebral arteries snake around the vertebrae and this tortuous path can cause wear on the artery. The illustration makes it pretty clear that at the location pointed to by the top arrow, contorting your neck can put a lot of strain on this artery. It turns out vertebral artery dissections are actually not that uncommon. They are sometimes caused inadvertently by chiropractors and people \u201ccracking\u201d their necks. Painters are at risk for this because they often look up for extended periods as they paint ceilings. People that have connective tissue issues are also at much higher risk.<\/p>\r\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default\" id=\"right-sidebar\" style=\"border-color:#000009;border-radius:3px;max-width:none\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#2F323C;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:1px;border-top-right-radius:1px\">Health Insurance 2<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:1px;border-bottom-right-radius:1px\">An extremely frustrating and somewhat humorous interaction with my insurance resulted from this. The first time I was transported by ambulance to the larger hospital (about 90 miles away), my insurance paid for it. The second time they refused. I spent days on the phone with the hospital, the ambulance company, and my insurance to figure out why this was. I think the bill came to over $10,000, so I really did not want to have to pay for it. I went around and around with them, with the hospital telling me they\u2019d provided the same diagnosis code to the insurance in each case and referring me to the ambulance service. The ambulance service said the doctor must have deemed the trip not medically necessary. I kept telling the insurance company that it was the doctors in the E.R. that sent me by ambulance to Geisinger, so it was obviously medically necessary.<\/p>\r\n<p>In the end, I learned that there was a second code provided to the insurance by the ambulance company. Apparently, this diagnosis was provided by an EMT in the ambulance. I have no idea why the insurance company would rely on this, but they did. In the first ambulance trip, the EMT had \u201cdiagnosed\u201d me with a cerebral hemorrhage which I, fortunately, did not actually have. In the second case, the EMT \u201cdiagnosed\u201d me with a headache. Argh!! Ultimately, I convinced the insurance that there was no way an E.R. doctor would send me by ambulance to a hospital 90 miles away for a headache.<\/p>\r\n<\/div><\/div>\r\n<p>I did not belong to any of these categories and had not been to a chiropractor recently. However, sometimes they simply happen for no apparent reason. I asked the neurologist I saw after getting out of the hospital if I should or should not do anything to prevent this from happening again. He basically said to avoid having chiropractors do anything to my neck and not &#8220;crack&#8221; it, which I never did anyway. Other than that, he said it was probably just a fluke thing and would likely never happen again.<\/p>\r\n<p>Oddly enough, it happened again almost a year to the day after the first one. This time I was in my office at Penn State, and the symptoms were very different. Instead of being dizzy and disoriented, my left side went numb. I stumbled out of my office to get my assistant, who drove me to the local hospital. They again did the same tests and told me that I\u2019d had another vertebral artery dissection and another mini-stroke. However, this time it was the artery on the other side of my neck. I was again taken by ambulance to Geisinger Medical Center for another three days of observation. Later, the neurologist said he\u2019d never in 25 years of practice seen someone that had had two of these. He essentially said I was just extremely unlucky. I was really hoping I could learn what might have caused them, but I never did. Now, I simply take a baby aspirin each day to help prevent a clot if another dissection occurs. Fortunately, while I don&#8217;t know if I&#8217;ve had another dissection, I have not had another mini-stroke.<\/p>\r\n\r\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p><div class=\"entry-content wp-block-post-content is-layout-flow wp-block-post-content-is-layout-flow\"><audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-12-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P1.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P1.mp3\">https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Ch1P1.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\r\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap wp-block-paragraph\">It&#8217;s difficult to explain the purpose of this book. In part, it&#8217;s a memoir of significant events in my life, and I will recount most of the events in chronological order. However, telling my life story is not the goal; most of my life was pretty boring and uneventful.<\/p>\r\n<p>Much of the book is a collection of cathartic writings I did over the last two decades, focusing on events since 2013. A major personal goal was to collect all these writings in a single document. Another goal was to publicly tell my side of the events that drastically changed my life. I hope that maybe it will prevent some of the things that happened to me from happening to others, and maybe some laws can change. However, these laws deal with the very touchy subject of domestic violence and abuse and are very difficult to discuss critically. Some laws have gone too far in their attempt to prevent abuse, but I have no great suggestion for how these laws should change even after years of thought. In the end, I am most angry at the men (and women) that actually abuse their families and have made these laws necessary in the first place.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">With that said, before getting to the story of how I spent a year in jail, spent nine months on house arrest, spent many years on probation, lost my job, lost my house, and lost my children, I will provide some account of my early life as it pertains to the events on which this book focuses.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\n<p><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s difficult to explain the purpose of this book. In part, it&#8217;s a memoir of significant events in my life, and I will recount most of the events in chronological order. However, telling my life story is not the goal; most of my life was pretty boring and uneventful. Much of the book is a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-12","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12"}],"version-history":[{"count":93,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2998,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12\/revisions\/2998"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}