{"id":130,"date":"2021-02-14T03:39:44","date_gmt":"2021-02-14T03:39:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/192.168.2.5\/wordpress\/?page_id=130"},"modified":"2021-10-14T14:13:05","modified_gmt":"2021-10-14T14:13:05","slug":"chapter-7-the-first-violation","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/?page_id=130","title":{"rendered":"Chapter AF:  The First Violation"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n<p>One of the problems for me with the Protection from Abuse order was that it effectively gave Rita sole custody of the children because there was no custody order in place at the time. When I got the order, my attorney was on vacation and out of touch, and she wouldn&#8217;t return for two or three weeks. I was distraught about not being allowed to see the children and not knowing when a custody agreement might be in place. I also didn&#8217;t want the kids to think I had abandoned them and desperately wanted to see them but was legally not allowed to because to do so would mean contacting Rita.<\/p>\r\n<p>The stress of this entire situation just overwhelmed me. The court was treating me like someone that abused his family. My tendency towards depression and anxiety took over, and I could barely function. So the day after the police delivered the PFA order, I decided to check myself into the psychiatric ward of Mount Nittany Medical Center (MNMC). While there, the police served me with the temporary PFA order, and the doctors decided to take me off the Zoloft I&#8217;d taken for over ten years and put me on Effexor. Effexor turned things around fast and, in hindsight, too fast.<\/p>\r\n<div style=\"display: flex; float: left; width: 400px; padding-right: 10pt;\">\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-186 .fg-image { width: 400px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-center fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-round-small fg-loading-dots fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-always fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-186\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image1.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"187\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image1\/3339451741.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image2.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"188\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image2\/2514896048.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image3.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"189\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image3\/2978299077.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image4.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"190\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image4\/1328964067.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image5.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"191\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image5\/1800739222.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image6.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"192\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image6\/133206281.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image7.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"193\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image7\/596896124.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image8.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"194\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image8\/224304002.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image9.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"195\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image9\/691921911.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Image10.png\" data-caption-title=\"PFA Payback\" data-attachment-id=\"196\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Image10\/3005272205.png\" title=\"PFA Payback\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">PFA Payback<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">10<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<p>During this time in the hospital, manic on Effexor, I wrote &#8220;PFA Payback,&#8221; which I transcribed below.\u00a0 Images in the gallery were taken from police photographs. This document contained stream-of-thought ramblings about things I needed to do to decouple my life from Rita&#8217;s. I titled it &#8220;PFA Payback&#8221; because it sounded good, and I knew what I was planning to do would piss off Rita. It was &#8220;payback&#8221; in the sense that Rita had almost nothing without me, a situation of her own making as she refused to go to school during the eight years after she graduated from high school and before Caleb was born. In the 10-pages of double-spaced hand-written notes, I talk about getting a new checking account, canceling credit cards in both our names, getting the utility bills out of my name, etc. Later the police &#8220;found&#8221; this document at my office while seizing my electronic equipment and looking for evidence of &#8220;cyberstalking.&#8221; I am sure this was not &#8220;in plain sight,&#8221; as I would not have wanted people coming into my office to see it. The district attorney over two years later would describe it as a &#8220;100-page manifesto&#8221; of all the terrible things I was planning to do to Rita.<\/p>\r\n<blockquote>\r\n<p>My &#8220;100-page manifesto&#8221;<\/p>\r\n<ul>\r\n<li>Cut-off text messaging plan on her phone<\/li>\r\n<li>Reduce data plan<\/li>\r\n<li>See if I can disallow all texting<\/li>\r\n<li>Might backfire because I might be forced to pay for these plans but then again I am anyway<\/li>\r\n<li>If she gets them reinstated and I am ordered to pay she will then be responsible for the bill. Given her history of being able to handle bills this will be a huge stress on her.<\/li>\r\n<li>Shut off cable<\/li>\r\n<li>Again she could get it reinstated under her name but then paying the bill would be her responsibility even though it might be my money she pays it with.<\/li>\r\n<li>I could certainly argue that she does not need extended basic cable and could make due with a cheaper, more limited offering.<\/li>\r\n<li>The same could be done with internet.<\/li>\r\n<li>Again I may be forced to pay for her internet but she would have to have it in her name and be responsible for paying it.<\/li>\r\n<li>I could also argue that she could go with a cheaper option (does anyone still provide dial-up). Plus, Rita does not even have internet. Can Rita even say she needs it? My guess is not since I can provide it to the kids.<\/li>\r\n<li>The joint credit cards have to go. I\u2019d hate to see the Discover card go because I\u2019ve had that account since 1991. I wonder if I opened that account with her or by myself. I\u2019m thinking it might have been by myself since my parents were big-time advocates of Discover cards. I\u2019m guessing though that we opened that particular account together. Thus I have a few options. I could KILL the account and hope it doesn\u2019t have too much of an effect on my credit score. The effect on her credit score will be much more detrimental because her credit score is already terrible for not paying on the credit cards she has. Another option is to report the card lost. In fact, I have no idea where my card is. I would first change the address for the bill and have the new cards sent to the new address. This would prevent her from getting a new card and force her to open a separate account. I might also be able to just get her name off the account but that might not be the best way because they might not let me just remove her if we opened the account together.<\/li>\r\n<li>This would leave her in a huge financial bind.<\/li>\r\n<li>Electricity: I could probably have the electricity turned off because that is also in my name. Not sure I\u2019d really want to do that because it would have a detrimental effect on the kids. However they could always come to my place to get hot water, showers, hot meals, etc. I\u2019m not sure how long it would take her to get the power turned back on but probably not too long. It would probably not have a huge negative impact on the kids. They could always stay with me for the time it takes her to get the electricity turned back on.<\/li>\r\n<li>The water\/sewer is another thing that needs shut off. Again, the water is something that would hurt the kids but they could live with me during this time. She could claim I\u2019m not providing adequate care for the kids but my apartment really has everything they need. Sure it\u2019s small but a lot of families live in small apartments. Plus, because I cannot speak to her I have no way of informing her I have plans to do these things.<\/li>\r\n<li>I need to get my finances decoupled from hers ASAP because I don\u2019t want to be supporting her in any way that I don\u2019t need to be.<\/li>\r\n<li>I should also do some research on the consequences of foreclosing on the house. I think it would make it very difficult for her (and I) to get financing for another house for at least seven years. Ultimately we would each have to rent places and that could put financial hardship on both of us. But I\u2019d be able to come out of it much stronger than her.\u00a0 I have to remember that I\u2019m playing from a position of financial power here. My earning potential is so much greater that (sic) hers that I could probably by a house once the foreclosure is off the books.<\/li>\r\n<li>I also need to get my name off the car loan. I don\u2019t use the car and have no need for it. I can probably call PSECU and get my name off all loan (sic). Although it is joint debt. Because of this I can probably not get my name off the loan. However, because the loan is paid from the joint account I can just not put money in that account and make her pay that loan from her income. If she lets the car get repossessed then that goes on my credit score too, but I\u2019m not too worried about that. I can built my credit back up a lot easier than she can. But I really doubt she\u2019d let the car get repossessed. She\u2019d borrow money from her family before letting that happen. In fact she might just borrow the entire amount to pay the entire van off. If that were the case I\u2019d be out form under the debt and she\u2019d be in unofficial debt to her family. But I wouldn\u2019t be on that note. And it wouldn\u2019t show as official debt to the courts. This might actually work with the mortgage and shoe store debt. If I quit paying the mortgage and HELOC payments she\u2019d be in trouble of losing the house. Again if she let the banks foreclose on the house that would look bad on my credit rating too. However, I have the earning power to repair my credit score much faster than she does.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\r\n<p>Following these pages in the notepad was a lengthy discharge plan that the hospital requires you to make before you&#8217;re released. Reading this discharge plan years later is interesting, and I transcribe it below. I talk about getting back to my apartment and getting ready to go back to work. The plan then diverges into a statement about how much the nurse the night before irritated me because she saw the &#8220;PFA Payback&#8221; title and started telling me how I needed to take responsibility for what I did and not be thinking about revenge. I told her I didn&#8217;t want to talk to her about it as she had no idea what was going on. Realizing that being in the hospital was at that point worse than being out, and since I was feeling terrific, I forced them to release me after 72 hours. It&#8217;s pretty clear reading this that the Effexor was already making me manic.<\/p>\r\n<blockquote>\r\n<p>My apartment is in College Heights so I can easily walk to it form the hospital. It\u2019s only about four miles at most and I walk that far almost every day. I have shoes and a coat here to stay warm. I also have clothes here and at my apartment. I could also take the bus that stops at the hospital before continuing on to the Penn Stater and looping back around to campus. This is a free bus so not having any cash will not be a problem using it. Once at my apartment I have plenty of things to do that have build (sic) up while I have been here. I need to prepare for the PFA hearing with my lawyer and find out what I\u2019m being accused of. I also need to get my name off a lot of accounts that I can no longer guarantee are paid one (sic) time because I have no access to my mail. I also need to talk to my lawyer about my PFAPB strategy to determine what parts of it are appropriate to implement and what parts are probably not a good idea. I also need to prepare for class so I can get back to work. I think I can probably try to get back to work when the PFA hearing is over on the 14th, which I believe is a Monday. Maybe I should shoot for being back at work on the 16th for Wednesday\u2019s class.<br \/>At this point being in here is more aggravating and stressful to me than being out. I wanted to sit quietly and just jot down some thoughts in the common area when a nurse started asking me what I was writing about. When I told her what I was writing she decided to lecture me on what I should and should not be thinking. Being really irridated (sic) by her telling me what I should be thinking concerning something she hand (sic) really not (sic) detailed knowledge about got me really upset. I need legal advise from a lawyer, not a nurse. I do realize some of the ramblings I was jotting down really make not (sic) rational sense. That\u2019s why they are called ramblings. They are ideas. A few may the (sic) good, must are likely completely ridiculous. But they are what was going through my head at the time. It does not mean that I\u2019ll act on them or that I should even have written them down. But they were writings that were not to be read or discussed by anyone else. Hearing that because I\u2019m here I should be talking about everything going thru my head made me realize that I do not want to be here at this stage of my divorce.<br \/>I need to sort out how I want this divorce to proceed with my lawyer (since my wife is unwilling to talk to me about how she would like it to proceed). I do not want nurses giving me legal advice about what is (sic) rationale and irrational thoughts. When you are writing stream-of-thought prose a great deal of what you write and in fact much of what you think is in fact irrational. I know that, everyone should know that. Unfortunately it seems like some of the staff here think that any irrational thought is reason for you to stay. It is certainly not! We all have irrational thoughts every minute of every day.<br \/>When I (sic) start to write down everything you\u2019re thinking you write down a lot of irrational stuff. But in my mind that\u2019s the entire point of writing down \/everything\/ you thing (sic) when your mind is overly active. From a great many irrational thought (sic) come some truly great ideas. Some just need filtered and refined. Many just need tossed in the garbage never to be mentioned again. That is why I don\u2019t like writing stream-of-thought prose on paper like this. People read it as a plan of action of (sic) something. It is not. It is just a list of ramblings, often incoherent and often unintelligible. Nothing more should be read into it. Why the night nurse had to get into it with me I cannot figure out. It was pretty obvious I didn\u2019t want to talk and I\u2019m pretty sure I told her that. I did not want her advice about the PFA, I did not want her telling me I was having irrational thoughts. I knew all that. I just wanted to write because a day of sleeping for most of the day I could not get my brain turn (sic) off and go to sleep. I didn\u2019t need to hear that smacking my wife on the thigh was grounds for a PFA when doing so to wake someone up is commonplace. My wife has smacked my (sic) hard (sic) than that to wake me up and she\u2019s smacked my kids harder than that to punish them. I truly love the vast majority of the staff here and they have helped me through some very difficult times of (sic) a few different occasions. However tonight\u2019s episode has made me realize that being in here is causing me a great more frustration and anxiety than being in society where I can actually get things done. Being isolated here with emails needing read growing into the multiple hundreds, not being able to communicate with online friends, and not being able to take care of the things my wife would normally take care of (or at least not knowing that she is) is far more stressful than anything else at this stage.<br \/>By the way, I really am sorry for blotting out my wristband. In my anger at being questioned by the nurse I decided it was the symbol of my institutionalization and needed to be removed. I\u2019m sure another one can be printed quite readily. I don\u2019t want to be viewed as a disruptive patient and I think I have participated in a lot of activities and help (sic) lead many discussions. However, my interactions with the night nurse really irridated (sic) me and I did and said some things I regret. I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll feel terrible in the morning. However her attitude and the way she presented herself just really irritated me. Maybe its (sic) just a personality conflict (like the case) but my discussion with her was much different than I have had with any of the other nurses, doctors or counselors. But it really has cemented my need to get out of here so I can take care of all the stressors that keep piling up because I have not access to a computer or the internet.I then talked about how when you\u2019re simply writing stream-of-consciousness thoughts you are not necessarily going to act on them, and that I like to write what I\u2019m thinking when I\u2019m angry because it clears my mind. I think this is because it forces my brain to slow down to the pace at which I can write. I certainly needed my brain to slow down because it turned out that the Effexor was making me manic. I even mention that I hate writing on paper because you can\u2019t go back to edit things. I should have simply destroyed the \u201cPFA Payback\u201d document while I was in the hospital. By the time the police found it I had completely forgotten about it.<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n<div style=\"display: flex; float: right; width: 400px; padding-left: 10pt;\">\r\n<style type=\"text\/css\">\n#foogallery-gallery-231 .fg-image { width: 400px; }<\/style>\n\t\t\t<div class=\"foogallery foogallery-container foogallery-image-viewer foogallery-link-image foogallery-lightbox-foobox fg-right fg-image-viewer fg-ready fg-dark fg-border-thin fg-round-small fg-loading-dots fg-loaded-fade-in fg-caption-always fg-hover-fade fg-hover-zoom\" id=\"foogallery-gallery-231\" data-foogallery=\"{&quot;item&quot;:{&quot;showCaptionTitle&quot;:true,&quot;showCaptionDescription&quot;:true},&quot;lazy&quot;:true,&quot;src&quot;:&quot;src&quot;,&quot;srcset&quot;:&quot;srcset&quot;,&quot;template&quot;:{&quot;loop&quot;:true,&quot;autoplay&quot;:0}}\" style=\"--fg-title-line-clamp: 0; --fg-description-line-clamp: 0;\" >\n\t<div class=\"fiv-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-inner-container\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p1.png\" data-caption-title=\"Arrest Warrant\" data-attachment-id=\"232\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p1\/2179614193.png\" title=\"Arrest Warrant\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Arrest Warrant<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p2.png\" data-caption-title=\"Arrest Warrant\" data-attachment-id=\"233\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p2\/2453852465.png\" title=\"Arrest Warrant\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Arrest Warrant<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p3.png\" data-caption-title=\"Arrest Warrant\" data-attachment-id=\"234\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p3\/1006380228.png\" title=\"Arrest Warrant\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Arrest Warrant<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p4.png\" data-caption-title=\"Arrest Warrant\" data-attachment-id=\"235\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p4\/2887696126.png\" title=\"Arrest Warrant\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Arrest Warrant<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"fg-item fg-type-image fg-loading\"><figure class=\"fg-item-inner\"><a href=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p5.png\" data-caption-title=\"Arrest Warrant\" data-attachment-id=\"236\" data-type=\"image\" class=\"fg-thumb\"><span class=\"fg-image-wrap\"><img src=\"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/cache\/2021\/02\/Complaint_Violation_2013_01_10_p5\/481103172.png\" title=\"Arrest Warrant\" width=\"400\" height=\"500\" class=\"skip-lazy fg-image\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><span class=\"fg-image-overlay\"><\/span><\/a><figcaption class=\"fg-caption\"><div class=\"fg-caption-inner\"><div class=\"fg-caption-title\">Arrest Warrant<\/div><\/div><\/figcaption><\/figure><div class=\"fg-loader\"><\/div><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"fiv-ctrls\">\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-prev\" title=\"Prev\"><span>Prev<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t\t<label class=\"fiv-count\"><span class=\"fiv-count-current\">1<\/span>of<span class=\"fiv-count-total\">5<\/span><\/label>\n\t\t\t<button type=\"button\" class=\"fiv-next\" title=\"Next\"><span>Next<\/span><\/button>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<p>Regardless of my mental health, I will never voluntarily go to a mental health unit again. The ramifications of this were ridiculous. Rita&#8217;s attorney argued for years that I was dangerous and unstable because of my mental health. However, Rita knows that when I am having depression and anxiety issues, all I want to do is sleep, hide, or cry, as I discussed previously. I am about the most passive, timid person in this state and about the farthest from aggressive and dangerous as anyone could be. Rita told me on multiple occasions that I was the nicest to her when I was depressed. I think this was because I constantly apologized to her for being depressed and thanked her for supporting me.<\/p>\r\n<p>At this point, it&#8217;s tough to remember what I was aware of regarding restrictions of the PFA at the time, but manic on Effexor, on January 10, 2013, I sent Amanda&#8217;s iPod a message saying, &#8220;I love you.&#8221; I&#8217;m pretty sure I understood that I might get in trouble for this, or I would have sent the message sooner, but I thought if it weren&#8217;t abusive, then it wouldn&#8217;t be a problem. Unfortunately, I was incredibly naive. \u00a0A Ferguson Township police officer, Shaun Morrison, arrived that evening with the arrest warrant shown in the image gallery, and he asked to see my phone and if I had sent a message to Amanda, and I told him I had. He then arrested me, put me handcuffed in the back of his car, and took me to the county jail.<\/p>\r\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\r\n<p>This episode was the first time I had ever been arrested, handcuffed, or ridden in a police car. I don&#8217;t remember much more about the incident as I was shocked the court would have me arrested for sending a message containing &#8220;I love you&#8221; to my daughter. \u00a0I recall the entire episode was very cordial, and Officer Morrison was somewhat apologetic for having to arrest me.\u00a0 This incident was also the first time I met Officer Morrison, who was pleasant at the time.\u00a0 However, you will be hearing more about his misconduct later.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n<p>The arrest warrant was also the first time the police played games with the legal system to circumvent standard checks and balances. \u00a0On the arrest warrant, Officer Morrison wrote:<\/p>\r\n<blockquote>\r\n<p>Acts of the accused associated with this Offense: In that the above named defendant did violate an Order of the Court of Common Pleas In Centre County, titled Protection From Abuse or &#8220;Protection Order Under Protection From Abuse Act&#8221; issued by Centre County Court of Common Pleas Judge PAMELA RUEST on the 7 day of JANUARY 2013 by having contact with his daughter through her IPOD via Apple iMessage against PFA orders.<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n<p>The affidavit of probable cause reads:<\/p>\r\n<blockquote>\r\n<p>On Thursday, January 10, 2013, I was dispatched 247 McBath Street for a report from Rita Mockensturm for a PFA Violation regarding a message her daughter received from estranged husband Eric Mockensturm to her daughter. I responded to McBath Street and observed a message was sent to Amanda Mockensturm on\u00a0January 10, 2013 at 1906 hours. The message was sent from Eric M Mockensturm via Apple IMESSAGE to Amanda&#8217;s IPOD against PFA number 2013-31 issued by Centre County Court of Common Pleas Judge PAMELA RUEST on the 7 day of JANUARY 2013 listing Amanda as a protected party.<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n<p>I didn&#8217;t realize it at the time but, later, as I reviewed the arrest warrant, I noticed that Officer Morrison failed to note in describing the violation the content of the message. Officer Morrison knew what I sent and made the decision to withhold that information from the judge. \u00a0I suspect Morrison thought the judge might not have signed the warrant if the judge knew the message said, &#8220;I love you.&#8221;\u00a0 As you will learn in the coming chapters, the police selectively offered information to the district attorney and judges on many occasions, which appears to be their standard operating procedure. \u00a0(**TODO: Get the hearing transcript that establishes the content of the message.)<\/p>\r\n<p>Again, the entire experience is kind of a blur at this point, but I recall wondering where the heck we were when we got to the county jail. I had, of course, never been there, but I now realize I passed it regularly the entire time I lived in State College but never really paid attention to it.\u00a0 I was processed, fingerprinted, photographed for a mugshot, etc. At some point, I again fell apart, having no idea what was happening or going to happen; I had never really been in trouble before, nonetheless arrested and jailed. Thus, I spent the night in a very brightly illuminated padded cell on suicide watch before I had my first preliminary hearing in front of a district magistrate via a teleconferencing system. A district magistrate gave me unsecured bail, which allowed me to be released immediately.<\/p>\r\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\r\n<p>As my lawyer was on vacation, her partner attended the hearing in front of Judge Ruest. She was the judge who issued the PFA order and was thus assigned to be the judge for violation hearings. I believe this was the first time I&#8217;d been in a courtroom besides attending a traffic-court hearing when the person that ran a red light and hit Rita and Caleb decided to fight the ticket he was issued.<\/p>\r\n<p>At the hearing, I mentioned that I couldn&#8217;t understand why the kids were even on the order. Judge Ruest says, &#8220;I don&#8217;t know why they&#8217;re on the order; they shouldn&#8217;t be. I must have just signed without reading it.&#8221; This response dumbfounded me as I assumed she&#8217;d written the order or at least had an assistant write it. At the very least, I thought she would read an order she signed. I realize later that it is common practice for the lawyer representing the plaintiff to write an order and then give it to the judge to sign. Judges presumably assume that the plaintiff&#8217;s attorney will be &#8220;fair&#8221; to the defendant in the order. I am not sure who was representing Rita at the time as this was about the time she changed lawyers from Laura Robbins to Tonia Torquato.\u00a0 I suspect either Laura or Tonia wrote the order, which is essentially a boilerplate form.<\/p>\r\n<p>It was also at this hearing that Judge Ruest mentioned that this was one of the two PFAs she&#8217;d issued to friends who applied for them simultaneously. \u00a0That friend turned out to be Maureen Cassidy; she was trying to move her five daughters to Florida. \u00a0I knew Maureen fairly well because our kids overlapped in age, with one daughter in Caleb&#8217;s class and another in Amanda&#8217;s. \u00a0In fact, at one point after Rita had filed for divorce but before I had moved out, Maureen came over, and I helped her make a resume and look for jobs in Florida; she didn&#8217;t have an internet connection at her house. \u00a0I had met her husband a few times, and he seemed like a nice guy, although I have no idea if there was any abuse. \u00a0I think they were getting divorced because he had had a sexual relationship with the college-age babysitter.<\/p>\r\n<p>Even though Judge Ruest agreed to issue a new order that did not include the kids, she decided to give me six months of &#8220;intensive domestic violence&#8221; probation. I was utterly shocked but quickly accepted that six months of probation would not be too difficult.<\/p>\r\n<p>After the hearing and still not completely understanding that Effexor was making me manic, I spent more days barely able to sleep. At some point, I noticed my cell phone had no service. I called AT&amp;T, and they told me Rita had canceled my line from the family plan; Rita controlled this account. I asked about transferring the phone and number to a new account, but they told me Rita hadn&#8217;t released the number, and I would need to get a new one. I went to Walmart and got a new account.<\/p>\r\n<p>Sometime very late that night, while at my office, not being able to sleep, I panicked because Amanda had been having a lot of medical problems at the time, and Rita had no idea how to contact me. My attorney was still on vacation and unreachable for the next week or so. This situation led to the second PFA violation.<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the problems for me with the Protection from Abuse order was that it effectively gave Rita sole custody of the children because there was no custody order in place at the time. When I got the order, my attorney was on vacation and out of touch, and she wouldn&#8217;t return for two or [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-130","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/130","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=130"}],"version-history":[{"count":66,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/130\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2046,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/130\/revisions\/2046"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=130"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}