A great example of how a judge can issue an exceptionally poorly written court order that leads to much confusion is the custody agreement that Judge Ruest wrote and then refused to enforce when Rita violated it. I lost even more respect for Judge Ruest after this as she was more than happy to hold me in contempt and jail me for minor violations of a court order but looked the other way when Rita did the same. It’s not that I wanted Rita to spend time in jail over this; I just wanted the court to acknowledge she violated the order and maybe force Rita to pay a court bond that she would lose if she disobeyed the order again.<\/p>\r\n
This incident, which occurred just before Easter in 2015, also shows how ridiculous it got with Rita trying to take my custodial time away to take the kids to Michigan. I was supposed to have custody of the kids every Monday and Wednesday evening and every other weekend. As it turned out, Easter weekend was supposed to be my weekend. However, according to the custody agreement, Rita was to have them on Easter day. The week before Easter, the kids did not have school on Thursday or Friday. Since I figured Rita would like to go to Michigan for the entire time the kids were out of school, I agreed to trade the Saturday before Easter for a whole Monday when the kids didn’t have school. When Rita didn’t show up for the custody exchange, I told her the deal was off.<\/p>\r\n
A week or so before Easter, Rita informed me that she would still take the kids to Michigan for the entire weekend. I told her doing so would violate the custody order, and she informed me she didn’t care. I had the following email exchange with Tonia about this.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nSent: Friday, March 27, 2015 10: 28 AM
Subject: Custody on April 4
Tonia,
I am contacting you because yesterday\u2019s custody hearing was postponed and some time-sensitive issues were not discussed. As I mentioned in a previous email, your client did not honor our agreement that would have allowed her to have custody of the kids on April 4. As she will not discuss this with me, I believe she still intents to have the children in Michigan on that day, in violation of the custody order.
I plan to exercise my rights to have the children on that day from 12:00 – 8:00 pm whether they are in Michigan or Pennsylvania. I obviously do not want to go to Michigan.
Please ask your client to consider our children in this situation. Me going there to get them will likely be unpleasant for everyone. I do not want them or me to be put into that situation.
Eric Mockensturm
[…]Subject: RE: Custody on April 4
Date: March 27, 2015 at 12: 43: 27 PM EDT
Dear Eric:
Upon review of the Order, this Easter holiday is Rita\u2019s holiday this year and holidays supersede your regular periods of physical custody. Rita will be happy to schedule another 12 to 8 visit another day. She is not agreeable to breaking up the Easter holiday to make up this time but will certainly make it up another day. Please provide me with alternate dates so I may forward those for her consideration.
Sincerely, Tonia
[…]<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\nThus, the meaning of the order was clear to Tonia that Rita was to have Easter day and needed to make up the time I would miss on that Saturday before. On March 30, 2015, Rita told me there would be no make-up time, and she was going to Michigan for the entire time the kids were out of school. Before Rita left, I sent the following message to Judge Ruest’s judicial assistant, Wanda, and Tonia to try to schedule the hearing that the court had delayed for months because of Tonia’s availability.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nWe need to get this hearing rescheduled again. Again, I would like to do it ASAP as Tonia\u2019s client plans to disregard the court order that says I should have the kids on Saturday, April 4.<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
On Wednesday, April 1, Rita told me she was leaving with the kids that evening to go to Michigan until the following Monday; the kids had school on Tuesday after Easter. I told her that was not what the order stated and I would be at Amelia’s school to pick her up on Wednesday like I always did. She said the police would be there to arrest me if I showed and told me to talk to Tonia about it. I then angrily send Tonia the following email.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nI would suggest you contact your client immediately and tell her today can in no way be considered part of \/any\/ Easter holiday. Also, let her know that I \/will\/ be going to get my kids back. Either she can turn them over peacefully or start a scene. It\u2019s her choice. The police have been notified and fortunately they don\u2019t believe her lies anymore. She can\u2019t hide behind this bullshit PFA anymore.<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
I should have been nicer about it, but I was so frustrated that I let my anger show. Tonia then called me and argued that the agreement allowed Rita to have the kids all those days, and I said it did not. Tonia then sent the following message to Wanda.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nI have been in Court all day and just got into the office. I just got off the phone with Mr. Mockensturm and tried to explain that the September 4, 2014 Court Order allows for my Client to have the children as this is her year to enjoy the holiday break with them. Pursuant to the Court Order, paragraph 2.e.ii., my Client has the children from the day school is out until Sunday evening at 8:00 pm. I tried to explain to Mr. Mockensturm that the holiday schedule supersedes the parties\u2019 regular periods of physical custody and encouraged him to please contact his attorney Rose Kauffman.<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
Unfortunately, Rose was no longer my attorney as I did not have the financial resources to pay her. However, I spoke to her about the entire issue, and she suggested that I just let Rita go and file a contempt of court petition, which I did. I responded to Wanda and Tonia with:<\/p>\r\n
\r\nThis is one interpretation of the order that is unfortunately inconsistent with the rest of the order. In being consist with other parts of the order (and with the plaintiffs agreed upon interpretation of the order) mother is supposed to have the Easter holiday. It is Thanksgiving that affords the time from the day school is out until Sunday evening.<\/i><\/p>\r\n
I do understand you are not the judge but I wanted this issue, and pleaded to have it, resolved before now.<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
and then to Wanda with:<\/p>\r\n
\r\nI am very sorry for my frustration that likely showed in the previous emails. I desperately wanted to have this heard before it came to a boil. Unfortunately it just boiled over and there is nothing I can do. There are two petitions on file that need to be heard. The first is the Special Relief petition that was supposed to be heard last week. The other is a Contempt of Court petition I filed yesterday.
Forgive my naivety as I am still trying to figure out which rules of the court are enforced and which are not. Regardless, I am learning a great deal about our legal system, the challenges it faces and the inevitable shortcomings.
Hopefully I will get better at these games and not get so frustrated when they seem incomprehensible.<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\nThe entire issue came down to punctuation; although even adjusted, the meaning of the order would be apparent to any reasonable person. The order states:<\/p>\r\n
\r\nAlternating holidays as follows:
I. In 2014 and all even years, Mother shall have Memorial Day; Labor Day; and Christmas, from the day school is out until December 27 at 6:00 p.m.
II. In 2014 and all even years, Father shall have Easter; 4th of July; Thanksgiving; from the day school is out until Sunday evening at 8:00 p.m.; and Christmas from December 27 at 6:00 p.m. until the day before school begins again at 8:00 p.m.
III. The schedule shall reverse in odd numbered years.<\/i><\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\nThis schedule seemed pretty clear to me, and I think everyone involved. However, note a comma after “Christmas” in the first clause and a semi-colon after Thanksgiving in the second clause. Tonia argued that “from the day school is out…” applied to Easter and<\/em> Thanksgiving. This interpretation could not have been what Pam intended as then the clause would also apply to “4th of July,” which would be nonsense.<\/p>\r\n
Later, the email I sent to Tonia containing, “She can’t hide behind this bullshit PFA anymore” was used against me at a PFA violation hearings to show that I had no respect for the PFA system or the court. Unfortunately, that was true then and is even more true today.<\/p>\r\n\r\n
The following is the contempt of court petition I filed about this and another incident explained below.<\/p>\r\n
\r\n\r\n
- On the 9th day of November 2014, an Order of Court was entered for shared legal custody; primary physical custody was granted to Mother subject to partial periods of physical custody by Father. A true and correct copy of the Order is attached and hereto referred to as Exhibit \u201cA\u201d.<\/li>\r\n
- Per the attached correspondences from Plaintiff and Plaintiff\u2019s attorney (Exhibits \u201cB\u201d and \u201cC\u201d, respectively) Plaintiff knowingly violate the terms of the Order by taking the children to Michigan after school on Wednesday, April 1, 2015<\/li>\r\n
- Per the Order, Plaintiff was to have the children for the Easter holiday (April 5, 2015) and Defendant is to have the children every other weekend, which included the weekend of April 4-5, 2015, and every Wednesday from 4:00 pm until 7:00 pm.<\/li>\r\n
- Defendant repeatedly asked Plaintiff\u2019s attorney to have Plaintiff abide by the Order.<\/li>\r\n
- Plaintiff repeatedly brings Michael (\u201dMike\u201d) Buck, the man with whom Plaintiff had an extra-marital affair, to Defendant\u2019s home and custody exchanges.<\/li>\r\n
- On the 19th day of October 2014, Mike exited his vehicle and belittled and assaulted Defendant in front of the minor children as partially described by the attached letter (Exhibit \u201cB\u201d) from Rosemarie King.<\/li>\r\n
- My attorney has repeatedly asked verbally and in writing, that Plaintiff does not bring Mike to Defendant\u2019s home and custody exchanges.<\/li>\r\n
- Plaintiff lives less than one mile from Defendant\u2019s home and the Plaintiff brings Mike to provoke Defendant into negative behavior.<\/li>\r\n
- Plaintiff frequently enters Defendant\u2019s home when Mike is not present so her reasoning is not that she is afraid.<\/li>\r\n
- On several occasions, Defendant has agreed to forfeit custody time in exchange for additional time in the future only to have Plaintiff later deny this agreement when Defendant asked for the additional time.<\/li>\r\n
- There is no provision in the Order to compensate either party for custody time missed due to the desires of the other party.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n
WHEREFORE, Petitioner requests that the Court modify the existing Order to:<\/p>\r\n
\r\n
- Exclude Mike from Defendant\u2019s property and from all custody exchanges.<\/li>\r\n
- Include a provision in the Order to address undesired missed custody time of three hours or more as follows:\r\n
\r\n
- If the time missed is during the week the party who missed time can choose a weekday within 30 days of the missed time for compensation.<\/li>\r\n
- If the time missed is during the weekend the party who missed time can choose a weekend day with 60 days of the missed time for compensation.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n
As stated in the petition, what I wanted most was for the court to make some guidelines for how we should handle missed custodial time. When we eventually had a hearing, Judge Ruest said, “I guess if it’s not in writing, you guys can’t figure it out.”\u00a0 I’m thinking to myself, “No shit. If it’s not in writing, Rita will use it to her advantage, and you won’t do shit about it.”<\/p>\r\n
Things got contentious at custody exchanges in Michigan a couple of times. My memory of the first time–which is not part of this petition–is vague. I remember Rita screaming at me in the backyard of my aunt and uncle’s house. I believe this was when Amelia asked if she could ride home with me. I told her I’d ask her mom if it was okay and texted Rita a few times. I never heard back from her, and Amelia kept asking, so I told her she could, not thinking Rita would care. However, I was mistaken, and Rita got extremely upset when I told her I’d already told Amelia she could ride with me. She informed me that she would pick Amelia up at 3:00 p.m. and drive all the kids home.<\/p>\r\n
Slightly before 3:00, I hear Rita pounding on the back door and yelling about something. When I go out, she starts accusing me of trying to kidnap Amelia. I had no idea what Rita was talking about because I’d told Amelia she’d be riding home with Rita by that time. After I finally get Rita to stop yelling, she says something about locking her out of the house and not answering the door. The house has an enclosed porch with a screen door usually kept latched so the cat can’t push it open. You couldn’t hear anyone knocking at the screen door, and the doorbell wasn’t working. Thus, Rita and her crazy paranoia decided that I must be trying to keep Amelia from her because I was not answering the door. I don’t know if I ever explained what happened because, after all the yelling, she grabbed Amelia, put her in the car, and drove off. The neighbors said they’d write a letter attesting to how crazy Rita was acting, but I never requested it. Again, the court would have just looked at me as bitter and vengeful.<\/p>\r\n
While visiting my brother in Maryland, I drove Caleb and Amelia from Maryland to Michigan after Rita claimed her father died–I was skeptical since the kids refused to tell me how their grandfather was doing. I stayed with my aunt and uncle to drive Caleb and Amelia back to State College for school on Monday. I suspected that Rita might stay with Amanda for a couple of extra days if her claim was valid. Rita and I exchanged the following messages after asking when she would bring the kids back a couple of times on Sunday.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nRita:\u00a0 This is the plan I going to leave no later than 2 I think. The kids should be with me because my dad has passed. They need to be with my family too.For the sake of not fighting with you over what should be a given you can drive Caleb and Mae [Amelia] home. Just note in our custody and what judge has said in person too.Family events such as reunions, graduations, weddings, and deaths. Children should be allowed to go to those events.
Rita:\u00a0 I will be there at 9:30 to get there clothes
Eric:\u00a0 And I am allowing them to be at those events. Driving them home is no such event. You can have them as long as you want today while you’re in MI.
<\/span>Eric:\u00a0 If you would like to have them more then next weekend can be a makeup weekend.
<\/span>Eric:\u00a0 Regardless next weekend should be a makeup weekend with Amanda since I will not see her this entire weekend.
<\/span>Eric:\u00a0 Note that the agreement says they should be allowed to attend. It does not say that that time does not need to be made up.
<\/span>Eric:\u00a0 Their clothes are on the front steps.
<\/span>Eric:\u00a0 Are you going to drop kids off when you’re leaving?
Rita:\u00a0 I will drop them off
Eric:\u00a0\u00a0 ‘When’ is the key part of that question.
Rita:\u00a0 Little after 2
Eric:\u00a0 Ok.
<\/span>Eric:\u00a0 You still on schedule for a little after 2?
Eric:\u00a0 Look. I’m sorry about things. I’m not sure why you blew up when I asked you about next weekend. If you were going to be home I was just going to see if I could have the kids next Sunday.<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\nAs you can see from the messages, Rita planned to drive back to State College on Sunday and considered this drive time a family event; I did not. However, “for the sake of not fighting,” she agreed to let me drive them back. Rita then confirmed dropping them off a little after 2:00. I’m not sure what time she arrived, but she did so with Mike driving his truck. As I was unbuckling Amelia from the back seat, Amelia said she’d preferably go home with her mom. I’m not sure if they put it in Amelia’s head that she should be with her mom or if Amelia wanted to be with her mom because she realized Rita was upset. Amelia was six-years-old and had asked a couple of times to ride back with me, so my best guess is that someone said, “Your dad will drive you home, but you really should be with me.”<\/p>\r\n
When Rita wouldn’t help, I told her that we’d need to figure out some make-up time. I knew it was a poor time and insensitive to bring up custody issues, but I wasn’t even sure her father was sick; she had told the kids not to say anything to me about him. Additionally, I was so frustrated with her taking away my time with the kids, claiming that I would have the time made up, and then never scheduling it. Rita started yelling; Amanda got out of the car and ran down the street, her coping mechanism for dealing with stress. Caleb began to yell at me for upsetting his mother, and Amelia began to cry. Given her reaction, it should have been pretty clear that Rita’s dad had passed away. In hindsight, I’m not sure why I assumed she was lying, but something didn’t seem right about the kids refusing to tell me how their grandfather was doing.<\/p>\r\n
As I tracked down Amanda, who I could see peeking around the corner of a street a block away, Mike got out of his truck and grabbed me. I tell him to get back in his truck and stay out of it. He gets in my face, and after some shouting, my aunt gets between us and pushes Mike back to his truck. He goes flying backward down the quiet one-way street, Rita grabs Amanda, who is now returning, and they take off, tires squealing. My aunt, who worked at a prison for many years, wrote a statement about this if I wanted to file a police report for simple assault. I thought about it, but it just wasn’t worth the effort.<\/p>\r\n
I stopped and wrote my attorney the following email on the way home, summarizing the events.<\/p>\r\n
\r\nFigured I’d take a break from driving and write this email.<\/p>\r\n
Just for reference this was supposed to be my weekend with the kid.<\/p>\r\n
I told Rita I was going to take them on a trip because they didn’t have school Thursday and Friday. (Does she need to know where I’m taking them? She asked until I finally told her I was taking them to DC.)<\/p>\r\n
Obviously Amanda wasn’t going to go so I was going to come back Sunday morning so I could spend time with her.Rita then takes Amanda to MI because her dad isn’t doing well.<\/p>\r\n
Early yesterday morning I get a text message from her saying her dad has passed away. We agree that I should bring Caleb and Amelia to MI from DC and that I’ll bring them back to State College this afternoon. She was going to take Amanda back this afternoon also.<\/p>\r\n
I arrived in MI around 6:15 and she (and Mike) come to pick them up from my aunt and uncle’s place. This morning I get:<\/p>\r\n
\u201cThis is the plan I going to leave no later than 2 I think. The kids should be with me because my dad has passed. They need to be with my family too. For the sake of not fighting with you over what should be a given you can drive Caleb and Mae home. Just note in our custody and what judge has said in person too. Family events such as reunions, graduations, weddings, and deaths. Children should be allowed to go to those events. I will be there at 9:30 to get there clothes\u201d<\/p>\r\n
I know with this last statement she has no intention of doing what she says. I respond:<\/p>\r\n
\u201cAnd I am allowing them to be at those events. Driving them home is no such event. You can have them as long as you want today while you’re in MI. If you would like to have them more then next weekend can be a makeup weekend. Regardless next weekend should be a makeup weekend with Amanda since I will not see her this entire weekend. Note that the agreement says they should be allowed to attend. It does not say that that time does not need to be made up. Their clothes are on the front steps.\u201d<\/p>\r\n
At around 2:15 she shows up with Mike and the kids. Amelia is adamant that she drive back with her mom (not sure why but she\u2019s usually just as adamant that she spend Saturday night with me). I try to talk her into coming with me and when I look to Rita for help (I always help talk her into leaving on Saturday’s) she says, “I’m too tired for this.The kids should be with me anyway.” I say, “If you want to keep them we need to figure out when I’ll get makeup time.” She says she doesn’t want to talk about it. I probably shouldn’t have pressed it but she’s already telling me I’m not owed the weekend I didn’t have them because their cousins were in MI. Anyway, I say, “Are you going to be home next weekend?” She blows up (misunderstanding that State College is ‘home’) and says, “My dad just died!! Of course I’m going to be home!!” Amanda jumps out of the truck and takes off running down the street. Caleb starts yelling at me, “See what you do!!” As I start making my way around the truck to track down Amanda, Mike gets out. I tell him to get back in the truck and to stay out of it. He then gets in my face, makes some idle threats (I can’t remember what he said. It’s all a blur now.), and pushes me while I keep telling him to get back in the truck. My aunt finally intervenes and he gets away from me and back in his truck. I start walking down the street to get Amanda and he takes off in his truck, picks her up, and drives off.<\/p>\r\n
I\u2019m so fed up with this. I cannot take it anymore. She’s alienating the kids against me and stealing my time with them. I will not let her take them to Michigan next weekend (for the 3rd straight weekend). She’s not stealing more time from me just so she can see her asshole boyfriend. The kids come back from there more and more alienated from me. This farce needs to end and the judge needs to get her head out and into the sun and see what’s going on. (WTF is she ‘whining’ about with our case? She’s made this mess and I’m not going to forget it. She needs to be removed before she screws up more people’s lives. I’ll figure out how to get that done once I’m out from under her thumb.)<\/p>\r\n
Sorry, I’m just extremely upset at the moment. Rita said I’d be sorry if I didn’t let her move to Michigan. And now I am.<\/p>\r\n<\/blockquote>\r\n
Thus, I asked in the contempt petition, which I filed many months later, to have the court stop Mike from coming to custody exchanges and included my aunt’s statement detailing the incident.<\/p>\r\n
Judge Ruest denied the petition, didn’t even address the issue of missed custody time, and told Mike to stay in his car. Again, I was highly disappointed in Judge Ruest because I was getting custody time that she ordered taken away. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I’d taken custodial time from Rita.<\/p>\r\n
I also believe after this incident is when I texted Mike–I found an odd “Michelle Hanson” entry in my contacts with a southeastern Michigan phone number–telling him that I had videos of him masturbating. There’s a funny story concerning these videos that I will discuss with the stalking case.<\/p>\r\n
It turned out that Rita was not lying about her father, and, again, in hindsight, I’m not sure why I thought she was, besides the fact that she’d been lying about so many other things. After Rita’s father passed away, my prediction of her using that to make more trips to Michigan was confirmed. Over the following month, Rita went to Michigan three times for different “memorials” for her father. I was supposed to have custody of the kids for the weekend on two occasions. She claimed to the court that these were funerals, and she was allowed to violate the court order. Judge Ruest seemed to agree, and she never gave me the make-up time I requested. Until my kids moved there, I never went to Michigan after Rita’s father died. Although Rita later accused me of following her to Michigan when she claimed she was too sick to bring the kids back, and I suggested I could get them.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A great example of how a judge can issue an exceptionally poorly written court order that leads to much confusion is the custody agreement that Judge Ruest wrote and then refused to enforce when Rita violated it. I lost even more respect for Judge Ruest after this as she was more than happy to hold […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-362","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=362"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2586,"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/362\/revisions\/2586"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/unstablefocus.mynetgear.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}